Curve of Time

Censorship and how the times change

2012-01-30T14:05:00.000-08:00

Since I have been reading many suspense and thriller novels, I figured I should read one of the classics by the grand dame of them all - Agatha Christie.

I am not sure what is more interesting - this book, or the evolutions that this book has gone through in print. I didn't know it started out life as "Ten Little N-". Deemed politically incorrect, the title and associated poem turned in to "Ten Little Indians". Again, times changed, and the title turned in to "And then there were None" with the poem that novel is framed around changed to "Ten Little Soldiers" on Soldier Island to be even more inoffensive. This tells a tale of the times - how opinions have shifted, and how much more culturally sensitive we can be at this time.

The story itself is a fast-paced read in which ten strangers are brought to an island to face a form of justice for crimes that were beyond the law when committed, and each individual has a different feeling of guilt associated with the murder(s) they are attributed to. As a novel, it is quick and lively, and the the postscript from the killer is an interesting piece. I think it is folly many of us fall in to, thinking that we must be smarter than the people that came before us because we live in the present, and they lived in the past. This is a smart novel, that hits upon some behavioural and criminal psychology that is still being explored and investigated today. Was it the best written crime novel ever written? No, but it is important for it's historical notes, and it is a decent read. Did I also mention, FAST? I think I will read a few more Christie's along the way... they are a decent diversion.

Going back to the beginning of a series

2012-01-26T10:42:00.000-08:00

This is a mystery/suspense/legal thriller series that I have truly enjoyed since I started reading him. One of things that I have enjoyed about the series is the character development as well as the author's ability to write. Unlike some authors that hit their stride early and start to decline, Lescroart's ability to tell a story well has progressed and I seem to enjoy book more than the last.

Last year I read his first book, and frankly, that was cruel and unusual punishment. Although this is one of his earlier novels, and the first Hardy/Glitsky novel, it was great. At times it felt like I had read this one before, and I checked to see if it has been published under a different title, but it seems that after you have read so many books in a particular genre there has got to be some overlap because parts of the book also felt entirely new. Who knows, maybe I read it shortly after the birth of one of my kids when I was getting a lot of sleep - but I doubt it. I think I would have remembered the title, and the character development. It is interesting when you start later on in a series to then return to pick it up from the beginning. Especially in series where life actually happens to characters and they age, and have life events happen to them. All in all, a good book. Not one of the best, but great in terms of early characterizations and events that colour later developments in the series. Now I want to pick up the rest of the earlier novels and fill in the rest of the gaps!

Lets talk about it

2012-01-25T10:49:00.000-08:00

B and I were invited to tell a bit of his story last night, and I am thankful that I have done enough public speaking that I wasn't too nervous. It is a strange thing when you realize that other people might want to hear about your life experiences, and how things have developed and that it could have an impact on other folks lives that you never imagined.

Summarizing fives years of experiences as a parent with a child that has had challenges is a strange experience. The telling is okay, but trying to reach a balance where you say enough to let people understand a little of your journey versus protecting your own privacy and the integrity of your experiences is a bit tricky. This is our story after all. We were really well received, and this last year has been quite the growing experience.

The shift to the kindergarten before and after school program, and to kindergarten itself, and new support people, and teachers, and our own changes as well. It has been really something else, moving beyond just us, and what we do every day and moving it outwards. I am aware of how I have changed (or at least I know I am a little further along my own journey of enlightenment, ha ha), but I don't think B is aware of how much he changed and grown, and how his confidence has bloomed. All told, he is a really cool kid that has a good grip on reality. Something else that has been cool - we were asked to provide input how the school's playground would be further developed, and they took our feedback in to consideration and integrated some suggestions. That is pretty amazing from a parent's point of view.

I can't say enough how important it is to use your voice, to get out of your comfort zone, and push when you need to, or pull back as well. Even if it isn't always easy.

The Deep Freeze

2012-01-19T10:46:00.001-08:00

It has been damn cold these last days. Watching the mercury dip close to -10 c brings back memories of other winter events. Although it has been a bit anticlimatic... truthfully, I was hoping for a snow day sometime this week, and although it could happen tomorrow, it hasn't happened yet.

Seattle got hit with the blizzard, the Island, and then the Valley. We have some snow on the ground, and it is a real novelty. Outside of the first snowfall, it hasn't been good snowball or snowman weather though. Yes, I am glad my man doesn't have to work in, and dig his truck out of it... but a day from work with pay that doesn't impact my vacation would have been a wonderful thing. ONLY IN SOUTHERN BC!

It is hard to believe that January is already marching by, and it is that time of the year again that I am worrying about childcare for the fall. BAH. I am bringing out the advokating hat again to keep my kid in our centre. I find it all a bit surreal.

A refreshing change

2012-01-16T07:11:00.000-08:00

If I found the last novel anti-climatic, this book was a welcome change. This is one of those books I picked because I was intrigued by the cover. I wasn't really sure what to expect, and this was a really refreshing, lighthearted read.

In a snapshot, this novel is a departure from other traditional mystery/detective novels in that it takes place in Botswana, and the lead character, Mma Precious Ramotswe, is not your traditional detective with a police background/career. This novel follows some of her early history, and weaves different threads in to a pleasurable whole. A bit of African flavour is mixed in, and McCall Smith relays a sense of place quite successfully.

I found this book to be charming, and I will read more in the series if I can get them at a used book store. Even for me, I read this over the weekend and it made me smile - a gentle sense of humour, characters that were engaging, and some nice resolutions. Not earth shattering literature that is going to change your perception of life as we know it, but well worth a dive between the covers.

Push this one back down!!!

2012-01-12T14:40:00.000-08:00

I used to love reading Tami Hoag... but I have found that the I was losing that loving feeling with some of more recent reads. I wonder if it is me that has changed, the writing style that has changed, or if the answer lies somewhere in the middle.

I sometimes wonder if how my literary tastes have evolved over time, has something to do with the length of time since I have been in university. I seemed to really love truly escapist literature there for a few years, and now, I am really craving a much more intellectual kind of satisfaction from the books that I read. At least, for my escapist novels, I just want something different than what I got out of this book.

The start was promising, interesting precept, but then this book just went off of the rails for me. There have been quite a few popular books that I have read in the last year that have tried to do too many things in the span of 350 some pages. This is where I can't help but think that I have done more of the changing over time, I want a good bang for my buck and a scattered story that tries to be a love story, and then more or less reveals a killer part-way through, but then adds another random body and potential murderer, and then other linked violent acts, and ends up like a Hollywood Summer Blockbuster movie where things explode and people are running around everywhere! Okay, that isn't really how this book unraveled, but this is how it felt. I finished this because it was an easy read, but I will happily sell it back to a used book store rather than pay if forward to someone else. Give me a character driven mystery any day. Maybe that is truly it - after so many good suspense novels that aren't all about unrealistic plotlines, where characters evolve, and stories take place over "months", this just didn't ring true or do it for me.

Next!

Socks

2012-01-06T21:57:00.000-08:00

My first project of the year - I am going to learn how to make socks. I have done dishcloths, scarves, hats, and sweaters. Time to tackle the sock. Tuesday morning, first day back at work I landed in a conversation that found me a new friend that likes to knit whom is more than happy to show me the ropes on socks. I have started a pair for Brandon and have discovered that I am a "thrower" and there are people that do "picking" and others that use a "continental" stitch. Who knew! A few days in to the year and I am rookie again, reteaching my fingers some knitting skills.

All in all, not a terrible week. Some extremes from work, some incredibly endearing behaviour, and some incredibly alienating behaviours. Interesting is all I can say.

A few moments ago I had something profound to say, but it seems to have slipped away for the moment... Well maybe this isn't profound, or speaks to the life of a married working mom with two kids, but the best time to shop at Costco is on a Friday night on the way home from work. No line for gas, fairly well stocked, and no lines! S W E E T !!!!!

Cooking, cleaning, laundry, repeat.

2012-01-03T14:54:00.000-08:00

I figured I would try to start the year off with good intentions with my blog since my posts started to peter out throughout the last months of last year. Blame it on the move, blame it on the rain, blame it on transition.

The Christmas break could not have come soon enough. When I walked out the door on the 23rd, I was so glad to get away from work, and from many of my coworkers as well. The last few days at work got weird, and I am glad that we all have had a break from each other. It was a sprint to Christmas between shopping, cleaning, cooking, wrapping, putting all the magic together. In our new house, it is just so much sweeter. I love our new place. The lights, our tree, having more space... We certainly don't have a lot of decorations beyond our tree, but what we do have is nice (read not over the top). I am still in love with having a "real" tree... I should have taken it down yesterday... but I just wasn't in to it. We bought a noble fir this year, and I can't see another douglas fir when nobles and frasers are cheaper and easy to find and look so much better!

The holidays were good, we hosted Christmas, Boxing Day, and New Years Eve and we have had positive reviews about our new place (good for the ego if nothing else) and for the meals we put on. Our ham on Boxing Day was bigger than our turkey! I successfully cooked for 28, and it didn't seem like the chaos got too out of control. The kids got spoiled, we ate lots of good food, and now I am glad to settle back down and ease in to the month of January.

I finally got to watch the last Harry Potter movie. It was awesome. I am sad to see the series end, but glad that I can watch them all again... at some point. I also watched the Dolphin's Tale.. that was a sweet movie... about what I had expected.... Hmmm... I also had some work that I did from home, and then lots of prep, baking, wrapping, recycling (thankfully they TOOK IT ALL, YAY!!!)... found a good park to take the kids to, and discovered that they have developed a stretch along the Fraser River that is just incredible to go walking down. To say I am thrilled is an understatement. I am starting to get the urge to start jogging again - it is time to try to get this body moving again now that life is settling down again.

New Years was good - louder neighourhood (more house parties), and I had every intention of doing the plunge again, but it seemed really selfish when I had all our family out from the island, they had a ferry to catch, and the timing was all wrong. Doesn't really make sense to drag 12 people to Port Moody to have them watch you... especially when one is nursing a wicked hangover (not us)... another year!

Today, by luck of a great conversation with a coworker, I discovered another knitting NUT! YAY! I am going to learn how to make socks. I am thrilled.

The beautiful song

2012-01-03T14:42:00.000-08:00

I am waiting a shipment of Christmas books from a book giant, and they show delivered to my box, and yet somehow, there is no key to open that box and retrieve my books. My fingers are crossed that key appears before the end of the day as I have just finished my latest book.

This was a good book, one that I think my bookclub could sink their teeth in to! I enjoy Patchett's writing style, and yet as much as I enjoy the characterization of her books, it seems like they take a long time to read. There are moments where I think that she has really captured something, and then I reach the end, and it seems that the endings of her novels are a bit problematic. I am not sure if I would label them rushed, or tacked on, but in both Bel Canto and then in The Magician's Assistant, I can't say that I found either ending satisfying.

This was a totally different kind of read, apparently it was inspired by the Lima Crisis a few years back. It centres around a nameless southern country and a group of people that are held hostage to leverage the release of prisoners. The lines blur between the hostages and the captives as the event is drawn out over several months. It is an interesting book that delves in to love, and to rediscovering self-hood, elements of the Stockholm syndrome... a good read, and again, the epilogue wasn't all that satisfying - it felt rushed. This is very much a character novel, and worth some time between the covers.

I finished book, just in time to wrap and bake

2011-12-23T11:03:00.001-08:00

I think this took me a few weeks to read, although it doesn't really feel like three weeks have passed since I read the book before this one. How many different ways can I say that December sped up this month, and I would swear that every day was really only 20 hours long?

This is another new author to me, and I really enjoyed this book. It is definitely small "l" literature, and I really enjoyed Patchett's voice. I have "Bel Canto" lined up for when I have some time to read in the next few days... A very different book, and it starts off with an ending, which of course leads to a new beginning. I enjoyed how this book unfurled itself, and would have almost liked it to have continued on a bit longer.

Yesterday was the Solstice, and I am grateful to see the days getting longer again, YAY! I can't wait to enjoy the neighborhood in a different way.

I am busy working on my list for the next few days, I hope I manage to get some sleep, and that everything is wrapped before 3am. I can't wait to see the looks on the boys faces when they check out some of their gifts.. should be a great year with their ages.

What day is it?

2011-12-22T14:29:00.000-08:00

I was doing so well this year, staying up to date on my blog. Then we had a health scare, and then we sold the house, and started kindergarten, and then we had to pack up the house, and move the house, and adjust to the new house, and a new drive, and new routines. Now, Christmas.

Damn, the days go by so fast right now. I get up before 6am, I get home about 6pm. We scramble through dinner, sometimes a walk, sometimes some clean up, a few books, bed, and then maybe a moment or two before collapsing in bed and then the routine starts all over again.

I am really truly looking forward to the break between Christmas and New Years, a few days to do just not much of anything. Okay, who am I kidding? Maybe to do some stuff around the house, to putter, to take the kids for a walk and feed some ducks. Hell, maybe even finish the book that I started a few weeks ago. I am so tired at night that I am lucky if I can make it through 10 pages before I get sleepy drunk and need to go to sleep.

Our new house rocks. It is so nice having more space, and living somewhere flat where you can walk outside your door and go for a nice, easy walk. I love being able to take the kids out to look at the lights and then they sleep better at night. I love having a living room, even if I don't get to hang out in there very often. I see little projects around the house, and I am glad that they are ours to fix.

I hate blinds. We have been slowly replacing all the ugly blinds with curtains. Amazing how much better a place looks with curtains. I am not fond of the 8 'clock train that seems to need at least three engines to pull its load. I love Christmas traffic since it doesn't matter if I get stuck by that train I can still make a good effort to get in to work on time. I am so glad I am getting though my list, and things are starting to calm down a little at work. Although I know it will be a lot of work over the next few weeks, I am really glad that we are hosting the Christmas dinners this year, it is nice to have the space to have everyone over.

Finally figured out the last book from the pile I read

2011-11-29T12:12:00.000-08:00

This was the last book that I attempted to blog about the other day. It was a fast, light and fluffy read. There were some issues with this book that I found a bit strange and odd, but it was an amusing read (and quick).

Now I am on to the People of the Book and it is great. Last few nights I have been barely able to read more than 3 pages because I have been so tired by the time my head hits the pillow. Once I relaxed last night, giving B a cuddle, I think I fell asleep for a bit, woke up, stumbled around, went back to bed.

I think moving "catches up to you". We have a bunch of plans this weekend, however they should be pretty mellow. YAY! (B's last riding lesson for the Fall, a birthday party to tire out the boys, B and Ken get to do a Christmas event together).

It has been nice this week as routines are starting to get established again. The boys were asleep before 9, first time in a while! The house looks pretty good, and I must admit, when you feel a lot of pride about your place, it is much easier to keep clean. I find that I want to keep it looking nice, rather than letting it go like I did a few times at the old place (nothing worse than 3 days of dishes to get caught up on, it never ends). Pretty much up to date again with laundry, first time in six weeks. It seems crazy that Christmas is in 4 weeks, it seems unreal because although I have done some planning for it, I am really not quite there yet.

A few more words.

2011-11-27T21:58:00.001-08:00

I love our new house.

I love having more space (and more than one bathroom), I love that there is a wide street outside, I love that we have a pretty decent sized backyard. I can't say that it feels real yet. It still feels like we are on a working vacation, because it is just so much nicer than our old place. I have to say, our old place wasn't bad, but this is just such an upgrade that the novelty has not worn off yet. I really enjoy having a gas fireplace, and hardwood floors, and a really nice kitchen (amazing how much easier it is to keep clean when it looks good).

Last week, my first commute day (Monday) was HELL. It was snowing, I had to wait for two trains, there were a few accidents along the way. I just sucked at getting to work on time. To say I was already frazzled and not knowing where I was supposed to be by the time I got in to work is an understatement. We also had a power outage Monday night going in to Tuesday, and then our shower was acting up (there is a trick to getting it going), and I made up the time I missed Monday on Tuesday morning so had another day that never ended. The rest of the week got better as I got used to our new routine, although I am still trying to figure out the best new way to get to work.

To say it has been a learning curve, and a transition period is putting it mildly to say the least.

I am grateful to my dear friends that helped us move. I don't know what I would have done without the helping hands. We are now almost done unpacking, and it feels weird driving past our old place and moving on. Life is definitely moving forward. We had friends over last night, and it was nice to spread out through the house and not just be cramped in to one room. It was a totally different experience for us adults to again be sitting at a table together, and not at a noisy restaurant (although that is now starting to look really good as the kids are getting older and probably more capable of being babysat).

This was a great weekend of starting to really feel settled. If not settled, at least mostly moved in. We can almost park a car in the garage, most of the leaves are up, and there aren't that many boxes left to unpack. We have a lot of stuff, and then, not so much stuff too. We have done a pretty good job of sorting and letting stuff go, and I think there may be a few more rounds of that to come. It feels good to be at the end of the process instead of the beginning. This has been so many months in the making, it is surreal it has come and gone. Here we are, a house that is a home, a place where we will dig in some roots and stick around for a while. I can finally work on getting some photos organized, figure out this whole kindergarten thing before B gets to grade one, and maybe even learn how to relax a little and not just fall asleep from exhaustion.

All that to say and you talk about books?

2011-11-27T21:20:00.000-08:00

Books, my dear friends I think I would be lost without them. The hours of escape, imagination, dreams, tangents, new thoughts, explorations...

I found a stash of my old Nancy Drews (and not sure what I am going to do with them) but I have not found my old Black Stallions... You win some, and you lose some I suppose.

Just because the last month has gone incredibly fast, I think I will hastily write a note about the books I have been reading lately to track them, since that is one of the things I was shooting for this year. Speaking of which, now that November is starting to draw to a close, I am really glad I didn't attempt NaBloPoMo. I would have failed miserably this year.

I just did a scroll past and then last book I made notes on was back October 21st!! That feels like a lifetime ago... Moving with 2 kids under 5 is really something else. I think I am just used to moving, and working, and sorting, and unpacking, and doing laundry. I finally did a real shop this weekend I am still in a state of shock at what I managed to spend between Costco and Superstore. I am not sure if I can even remember everything I have read since my last book entry.

To get caught up (I hope), I will start with October/November's bookclub read, which was amazing: Any Known Blood. I really enjoyed this book, and I really like Hill's writing style. I find it very easy to read, and I found that I really enjoyed this multi-generational story. Well worth reading, this is an author that is much more than just the book that he is known for (The Book of Negroes) and over time I look forward to reading more of his novels.

This was a perfect book to read while moving. Not all that deep, fast-paced and entertaining. I found myself interesting reading this because Crais is a new author to me, and I think I go through an adjustment period when I read a new author to see how they "fit" and whether or not I like their style. I found similarities to the Lee Child Books (Reacher series) maybe not in contact, but about an everyman hero(s) and a job that needed doing. I will certainly read more in the series because they are entertaining and a break from other kinds of reading (and the day to day grind)

Well, our library has quite a few Robinson's, so I flew through another one. Damn, I am getting to the end of the Banks series. I really enjoy these books and this one is as good as the rest, another good tale. Great series, good character development, very entertaining in a different way than Crais. A little less explosive and fast paced, more about character and how a mystery unravels. It has been a few weeks since I read this one, so that is about all I can say in this moment...

I enjoyed this one, although it wrapped up a little quickly to my liking. I can't say that this was an "oh my god this was one of Cricton's best" because IMHO it wasn't. It was entertaining, and insightful to an era of privateering. I found it interesting because it reminded me of a younger self that used to devour the bodice rippers almost nightly. Of course, where this book was about politcs and strategy, those books were about girl meets boy on the high seas, adventures arise, some drama, and then lots of steamy scenes. This was an adventuring novel of a different sort and it was good, but not totally satisfying. It was a book that was said to be found written prior to Crichton's death, so who knows how much he would have tweaked it prior to publishing submission if things had turned out differently.

There is one more that should be in this list that I will probably have to come back and edit in... The title is just not coming to me. I tried doing a search.. but it just isn't there. It is about a mom and daughter that run a boarding house, and for some reason, different heroines from books stay at their "boarding house" for a rest, to get away from the drama in their books. It is a sweet, quick read and it is kind of interesting to see a few famous ladies appear in print again (like Scarlett O'Hara and Catherine Earnshaw from Wuthering Heights).

It is interesting that through the absolute craziness of the last month, I still managed to read about a book a week. I am surprised.

Officially changed hands

2011-10-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

What a ride October has been.

It is official, we are now tenants until we move out in a few weeks.

It feels strange looking at these walls and realizing that they aren't mine anymore to do with whatever I want. That all of our things have to be moved, a big clean, and then a good bye to this house that really and truly has been good to us.

A true time of change. We have bought some new furniture, and already, the cleanse has begun and we have gotten rid of a fair bit of stuff. It feels like leaving disposable furniture behind and fully embracing another step in to adulthood. By this time next weekend, we will be homeowners again. It will be fully our place, all of the space will be ours. We can entertain, and more importantly, we can live and not always be on top of each other, all the time. I think that will be an interesting transition - having choices. More than one bathroom, more than one room to hang out in. Then the yard. Somewhat intoxicating.

A big bank transaction happened today, and a lot of our pasts were wiped out with it. This feels like a fresh start, and I find it ironic we were are moving to, it is like a new beginning but in a familiar place. I am curious as to how things will evolve. Not really scared or nervous, but more curious. The only thing I have to get geared up for is the commute... Everything has changed since I moved away 11 years ago, but so many more people now live further east that time will tell how the commute impacts us.

I can't get over what we have already packed, and what is left to pack, and how quickly our little place looks cluttered by what is left. Of course, Karma and Chaos have something to do with that! That is something I look forward to as much as having more space, less clutter. I am so over having everything packed to the rafters.

A different kind of mystery

2011-10-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

Atkinson has a totally different writing style, one that requires a bit of patience but the language and the wit is well worth it.

This is the beginning of her mystery novels, and there is a miniseries based (at least) upon this book that I have heard is pretty good (will PVR over the weekend). There are three case histories described in this novel with various lead characters whose lives intersect in obscure ways. Like the previous book of hers that I read, you need to see through the different threads to understand the intricacy of how this novels works. A good read. This is definitely one of those days that I do not feel like I have much profound to say.

Again?

2011-10-21T09:12:00.001-07:00

Really, wasn't the show that you put on earlier this week enough? Thank you oh random bug or virus that is kicking my butt again this week. I could have done with a good night's sleep and no more sweats and chills. I wish I could say welcome back, but I can't.

I think one of the hardest parts of having young kids are the random bugs you get exposed to (and not just their little friends). The other part is when you are sick, they generally tend to get what you have because they tend to stay pretty close. So I think my youngest has inadvertently caught part of what I have had, judging from his behaviour. *SIGH*. This feels just like last October before we headed off to Hawaii when it seemed like the flu and croup and ear infections flew through the house.

*Mental note, don't plan holidays in October. Not worth it.

The fast, and the furious

2011-10-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

Everything is happening fast right now.

Yesterday was a day of extremes. When I got home from work on Wednesday night, everything hurt. I tried having a shower, it kind of helped. Dinner didn't really sit all that well, and tried to get to bed at a decent time. Work up Thursday morning and everything hurt (including my toes). By 7:30 am I knew it was a good day to call in sick. My DH ended up home with me, which was really nice to be home together without the joyous company of our kids.

Now, to some background noise. Over the last few weeks, my cat Murphy's health has taken a bit of a nose dive. It seemed like he got really skinny and quite terrible a few weeks ago. I spent some time giving him lots of loving and he seemed to come around a bit. Over the weekend we tried to see if we could coax him out of whatever was going on - we tried tuna, his favourite cat food, grass and clover (seems to cure everything) ... nothing seemed to be helping. Murphy had stopped eating, spent all his time in the bathtub, or wedged in beside the toilet, or hiding under our bed. He had given up his spot as sentinel near my head, and really didn't want to be cuddled. In his eyes he was still there, but you could tell something was really wrong. This wasn't my normal cat. I hate to admit, but I knew something was up. This wasn't a random virus. I have been in denial of things since the weekend, and I figured that today I had needed to act so had already made an appointment to see the vet for after work.

So, it was a day where I was completely under the weather. Ken and I did some errand running because we could without our kidlets, and then I got a call at 2pm to pick up a sick kid. So I went up to get and and then we hung out for a few hours watching kid movies (I wasn't up to entertaining my dearest and he was just overtired more than anything else) and then to taking my wee friend to the vet. I had been worried about cat diabetes because of Murphy's desire for water and for laying in the bathtub and the guilt of making a decision of what to do, but in the end the decision was out of my hands. The vet found lumps on his kidneys and diagnosed kidney failure more than likely due to cancer. In his condition, she recommended the best thing to do was for us to let him go. There was nothing else we could have done, and taking him home for a day and then to bring him back again would have been prolonging his lingering and degeneration. It is hard to say goodbye to a friend you figured would be around for 20 years and you only had them for 11. He was the coolest cat ever, and I am glad I could hold him up to the very end. This is part of being a responsible adult that truly sucks.

RIP Murphy. You were an awesome four-legged friend and have a special spot in my heart.

I was grateful my parents had offered up some stew for dinner since I didn't really want to cook, and Ken jumped in with both feet. By 7pm I had a raging headache (on top of the body ache and nausea) and no attention span whatsoever and needed to lie down. By 11pm I was freezing. At 1am I was sweating. At 3am my fever must have broken because I was wet and clammy but the worst of my headache had lifted and I seemed to be on the mend.

All I can say is "what a day". A day of total extremes (the good being the errands we accomplished and a nice lunch with my dad, and the bad, well feeling nasty, Murphy, sick kid). This morning I was looking for my buddy and he wasn't there. I am still tearing up (will be for a while) and just missing him. It is amazing how our four legged friends become such an integral part of our families. Just because you have done the "right thing" doesn't make it any easier, but in a sense, it does make it easier because you think of everything you both had because of it.

A new trilogy

2011-10-11T15:27:00.001-07:00

This is a book that I think my bookclub should read. I suspect it will be one of those "relevant" novels describing a particular time and place in culture. This is also a book that would have been great to discuss in a literature class, to see how people responded to this novel, and what layers of meanings different individuals took from this.

I will definitely read the following two novels in this series to see how things evolve over time. This takes place at some point in the future, it involves a love triangle, it is a coming of age novel, it is post-apoplectic, it is about survival, it is about interpersonal dynamics. Apparently the author was inspired to write this novel flipping between coverage of the Gulf War/Iraq War and watching reality TV. Interesting juxtaposition that you can take a few steps further and look at it as a form of Survivor, with a deadly twist. I couldn't help but think of the alliance between Rob and Amber a few years ago when she won a round of Survivor at times when I read this novel (although different kinds of connections).

What does this novel present in terms of a social commentary - once again, this is a book I think would generate a lively discussion. I enjoyed it, it well paced, I found the end a bit choppy, you can find some editing issues, but it stands as a good read. It is interesting in the same way that Wall-E has something to say about where culture is headed, and our appetites for entertainment.

Thanks, Bra

2011-10-11T12:32:00.000-07:00

Not often I warn folks about this, but this is a rant. I am ranting here because I can. I am also struggling to define how I feel about this, and this seemed as good a place as any to just "go off" about this since my brother leaked a lot of personal news on a social website and bypassed telling us, his immediate family in person.

Labour Day weekend, my extended family went fishing for a weekend, and I had a lovely time with my bro. Things seemed really good. Didn't really talk about anything serious, it was just a nice time.

Then he more or less disappeared for a few weeks and stopped talking to my folks, and I just never saw him.

I found out my brother got back together with his ex on the social website. To say it was a surprise, was an understatement. Last I checked he had been dating someone else, and when they had broken up the last time (of three times) it seemed pretty final and that both were moving on to (better) things. At the time, this wasn't a healthy relationship for either of them.

Last week, there was a picture that looked suspiciously like an engagement celebration that appeared also on the social website. Again, nothing from my brother.

He headed out to her family's place for the weekend, in a panic the night he left because he had lost a "ring" she had given him. Nothing really concrete out of him, just that he had to find this ring because she was really choked at him.

Found out this morning, again on the social website, that he is engaged. A few hours later, the wedding date appeared.

Thanks Bra, I love finding this stuff out on the internet. It was all I could do not to call our mom, and tell her to see what her kid had done.

Regardless of how I may or may not feel about her, the lack of respect you have shown us all has been pretty enlightening. End of the day I want you to be happy in your life, and how you have handled your news with your family has been pretty low. It isn't something I understand at all. I couldn't imagine not sharing that kind of news with my brother, and my parents right away. Instead, it was posted to a social website for the world to see, your family be damned. What makes it worse is that you have always said this website was lame, and wasn't for you, and yet, here you are, in all your glory. At the end of the day, he is my brother and what he does with his life is up to him, but now, moving forward, what does one say? It will be an interesting conversation. I had imagined that when my brother gave me news like this I would be thrilled for him. I would not describe how I feel today as such.

Quick read

2011-10-02T10:12:00.000-07:00

This was the first JP Beaumont mystery that I have read by Jance and it was a really quick and easy read. Just what I had needed at the time. I have read several of the Joanna Brady series, and I found this one a total departure from that series in tone, and in overall readability, which is an interesting juxtaposition for a writer! The mystery was decent, and the characterizations were good. Very much a vacation type book, not too taxing but an enjoyable read.

Oh Blog, Where are thou?

2011-09-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

I see a flurry of catch up posts coming my way.

As summer ends and fall begins, a whole rash of changes has happened over the last month. Hence, my silence here on my blog.

We found a house, and then the seller wasn't all that great at negotiating. Then we found a better house and these sellers were awesome to work with, and over the last week, I have signed my name more times than I can count, produced reams of paperwork supporting our purchase, and have dreamed a few dreams about our own space, more square footage, new paint colours, and debt (although it will be good debts, har). It is a split level, big lot, great back yard, and it even has a shed and a man cave, a play set for the kids, and an ensuite. No more four people living on top of eachother in a measely 800 square feet, one bathroom, and laundry upstairs. It will be a total shift for all of us. I bet we will all hang out close to each, since this is what we know. We lift our subjects by Monday.. and then we are no longer co-owners but rather the King and Queen of our domain.

The big dude successfully started kindergarten. This start was almost anticlimatic compared to his start in his new after school care. The principal and teachers are awesome, what a supportive, collaborative place! I couldn't be happier how things have worked out. Of course, now comes the behaviour tweaking as we guide our boy in to being a good kid, aware of himself, and no pushing and shoving. You have to love transition, and transition, and then a whole new group of kids to get used to, to learn, and then adjust to.

Of course, what is September without a semester start up? This year has been so much better than last year, but holy shit, what a busy month. Coffee is my best friend right now and I can't wait for the meetings, the changes, the inability to sleep for long periods of time, and the adjustments to end and have a chance to assimilate it all. Ultimately, I figure that will happen during the week between Christmas and New Years when I get a chance to catch up with myself.

A foray in to something different

2011-09-21T10:08:00.000-07:00

This is one of those novels that grows on you. In some ways it is a bit confusing, convoluted, and it takes a while to get in to. By the end, I was thoroughly charmed, really enjoyed the book, but was glad that it was done.

This is the story about Ruby Lennox and the relationships around her that form part of her matrix and who she will become (eventually) as an adult. At times I found this book fascinating, and at other times I had to skim read through sections. The prose is well-written, and I think that Atkinson really captured something here. This is a woman's book, a woman's history. Although technically about Ruby, this book delves in to her mother and grandmother's lives, and the family that surrounds them - their successes and tragedies, and their movement through time. I think this is a novel that will stick with me for a while, and the end is rewarding as all the threads come together.

It reminded me a bit of some of my family history - the stories you hear about your aunts and uncles, your grandparents... those whispered bits of history and half-truths that you are semi-conscious of as a child growing up and the history you fabricate for yourself as an adult. Well worth a read and I have heard that her later books (a mystery series) are quite good and you know how I feel about a well-written mystery! Bring it on!

Another in the series

2011-09-20T09:57:00.000-07:00

Another fine novel in this series.

Although you do not need to read them in order, in hindsight, it would have been nice as this is one of his earlier books that answers some of the questions I have had about character development from newer novels. The prose continues to be great, the characters easy to relate to, and the plot well woven.

Since I know what to expect.

2011-08-26T19:54:00.001-07:00

After taking a break from reading, it seems the pages have not been turning fast enough for the past week. I just knocked off another book in the Inspector Banks series, Innocent Graves. Another fine installment in a series that continues to deliver great reads without falling in to formula writing.

Since I discovered about 10 of them in my closest library, and not really being all that keen on reading some of my intellectual stuff waiting on my shelf, I figured that it being a scorcher of a weekend that I should just take out another book in the series. Next up, Cold is the Grave.

Weekend is supposed to be amazing weather wise. I am tempted to head back to the beach again tomorrow since it was just so awesome last week. Is that overkill? Risking disappointment? I am just not sure, I will see how things shake out in the morning and how motivated I am feeling. Another week down, and B's first stomach flu since his surgery. We all survived. I had no idea I would be so thrilled to see signs of a bacterial/viral infection, but they are welcome to see since it means that it isn't something else.

Words to live by.

2011-08-23T15:06:00.000-07:00

“My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.” Jack Layton

Reading through a series

2011-08-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said about the familiar when it seems that everything else in your life is in a state of flux. I finished another book this weekend (Wednesday's Child by Peter Robinson) and now I am moving on to another one in the series, Innocent Graves. These are highly satisfying mysteries to read, not predictable, well thought out, easy characters to be drawn to. I am also leafing through Weird Washington. I wish they wrote more books like this about BC, I would be more inclined to travel more in our province.

If Saturday felt like a bona fide vacation day, yesterday was muggy and irritable. Neither kid slept in, and neither one had enough sleep. Went grocery shopping early, then to a birthday party, and then home, and then to the park because the boys were climbing the walls, and pieced together dinner, and then the day was over. I could not imagine living out east where you get humidity like that all the time. You could feel the rain coming, and it is a welcome break today, as long as it doesn't stall too long here on the coast. It feels strange after so many beautiful days to be looking out in to gray again.

Elementary school is looming closer. We need to buy a backpack, and figure out lunches. Next week I will have to call in and see how things are going and if there is any more paperwork I need to complete. We need to try out the walk to school, since our kid can truly say that he had to walk, both ways, uphill. I guess we will also need to start working on learning how to tie his shoelaces! It feels strange going in to this fall - I am not planning activities up the woo-hoo since I figure too many things are about to change.

Knocking them off

2011-08-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

The joys of waking up early and having the house to yourself. I am holding off making my coffee just in case it wakes up one of the boys.

Last week felt like a turning point at work. I am feeling somewhat on top of things right now (novel experience since I returned from my mat leave) and that my confidence is making a comeback. Got a big project wrapped up (for now) and what I need to get done for semester start up is well under way. A far cry from last fall, or even last spring. It is crazy that in my job it truly takes a year to get back in to it.

Last night was a different matter - B was up a few times, I think it was the heat. His waking up crying reminded me of what it was like when he used to wake up every night and I would worry about him. It used to be pretty unsettling when he would wake up when he was a bit younger, that unknown factor. I will admit, it got to me a bit last night when he was waking up crying for reasons unknown (like me, the kid gets nightmares), but he settled about 1 am and then was out for the count. Once again, I am grateful life moves forward because it was tough when he was younger, and would wake up nearly every night - and him being a first child, you don't know what is normal and perhaps what is just him, or what you should be truly worried about because B does have some challenges. I used to worry when he woke up all the time that something was wrong (even if I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong). Now that he generally sleeps through the night, I had forgotten what an impact that worry energy was. Amazing how going through a shunt revision can put it all in perspective, and then you get a night like last night, and you recognize some of that fear you felt was just that, fear something was going on with his shunt that you couldn't control that would lead you down that path. Seen it, and fingers crossed, we don't ever go there again.

I also finally finished a BOOK again! Half-Broke Horses was a good book. It was a quick and easy read, and you couldn't help but wonder what really happened to Walls' mom along the way. Moment over, my youngest is up.

Half-Finished Books

2011-08-16T11:58:00.001-07:00

I can't remember the last time I had not read a book in a month, or even one in six weeks.

Currently I have three on the go:

Half-Broke Horses, Jeannette Walls
Wednesday's Child, Peter Robinson
An Echo in the Bone, Diana Gabaldon.

All of them are good books, but I have not had the energy or the time to read more than a handful of pages at any given time. It feels strange. I suspect I will shelve the last book until Fall when I am more in need of a long and detailed book... I just started HBH and it is a great book, and I suspect a really fast read which should get me out of my reading slump, then I can go back to the Robinson book.

This summer is blitzing past. It is hard to believe we just passed the midpoint of August and that September is looming closer. My baby starts kindergarten! O M G !!! I also just found out that the first week is pretty lame, all parent-teacher interviews. Lovely. Busiest week of the year for work and I need to figure out a way to get out to the school for an hour or two. I am sure it will work out, but I sort of figured that would happen a little later in the term. Since first week is all interviews, the daycare will not be taking the kids to and from school, so outside of our interview in the first week, B will not be going to class in that first week. It feels just a little anticlimatic (although I get it, still not really what I had expected).

I also got out for a girl's night last night and saw The Help. I was pretty impressed. It was faithful to the book, and the performances were great. I couldn't imagine living in the deep south where the colour of your skin was so important back then. Amazing all the different forms of racism and fear there are out in the world. On a lesser note, the period style staging was really nostalgic - I could easily recognize the furniture, glasses, bedspreads (etc) from my grandparents homes, it felt like from another time altogether although I could recognize some of the bits and pieces of the time (if that makes any sense).

Pitfalls

2011-08-11T10:36:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, my blog. Long forgotten place to quickly jot down some thoughts before I continue running. It seems like I have had less and less time to breath as this year has progressed. My vacation time was fast, and I hope to eventually make some updates and post some pictures of our adventures. I have already been back to work for almost two weeks, and the ball of knots in my stomach is proof of it. I can say with feeling that it is not easy balancing a career type job with two kids, especially with a few added challenges thrown in. I can't get over how 95% of my job seems to be going great, and 5% just sucks, and it is what I am being continually called out about. Small errors or misteps that are becoming larger issues, and trying to figure out how best to communicate with some.

It has been a struggle, especially when you are trying to claw your way in to good graces, and yet the communication piece just doesn't seem to be two ways. I am not sure how to articulate this, or what has changed in the two years since I left - and in the year since I have come back, but it has been different. I don't mind taking stuff on the chin - taking a while to learn new tasks, lapses in judgement, perhaps unrealistic expectations at times, but I have also worked my ass off, and tried to work through any thing I have had going on with my kids and tried to limit the impact on work. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am surprised by what a shift the last year has been - learning how to balance work and family, and to keep my head above water. It feels like a real cornerstone piece to all of this is a good night's sleep. Running on next to empty just makes everything harder.

All of this whinging aside... a day after I started this post, everything seemed to shift at work. It felt like the sun coming out after a long period of rain. Things have eased off a bit, and I am not feeling quite so anxious or so lacking in confidence. I don't feel so close to a knife-edge of falling off and going splat at work, but it does feel like I have to be aware and fully present in a different way. I so feel like a work in progress, figuring out balance, and how to fit in to my role at work.

Time and time again I return to the theme of "balance". My latest goal has been to get out of the house earlier and try to keep up with the dishes and day to day chaos as much as possible to just help things run a little smoother. I think this too is helping shift my frustration and not feeling like I am on top of my game to feeling like I am in control a bit more. Although not huge, I am getting out for a walk at work at least twice a week now, so it is a start.

Packing.

2011-07-22T00:13:00.000-07:00

Chapter two of our holidays started today with a kickstart. I have been off work for almost two weeks, and it has been a blur. Between the weather, various appointments, sorting of different things, and just being a little scattered, it has felt like we have been waiting. Waiting to find out if we sold our house, waiting to go on holidays, waiting for the day that will come when B will have the botox injections and see what difference it makes.

Yesterday, the damn broke. We sold our house. We couldn't ask to do it under better circumstances, although it has been strange. The buyer never looked inside our house, it was bought for the land and not the building - easy to assume it will eventually be torn down and replaced with either a duplex or two smaller homes. Right next to the property beside us, where the same thing will happen. It was strange not getting our house all gussied up for sale, or considering "curb appeal" or "staging". It didn't matter. Makes our new roof seem superfluous (too bad we needed it two years ago). It is a long, long closing which is nice, we will have lots of time to make a decision as to where we go next. Although that being said, too much time speeds up until O M F G we have to move... and it isn't just us anymore, we have the little ones too!!

Fingers crossed we get a good rate, find a great place, and the rest of the pieces fall in to place.

Today we had a few other appointments, and then a lovely visit with a dear friend and her daughter. It is amazing watching friend's kids grow up - her daughter is pretty darn cool. I see parts of her, and parts of her husband in her. Amazing where you reach the point where you have decades long friendships and you watch your friends move along their lifepaths, and you move apart only to move together again. Too cool.

Celebrated B's 5th birthday tonight, and I am packing to go away in a few hours. A few days in the Seattle area and then up the Olympic peninsula for some camping. I wonder if I am bringing the right things, I am out of practice! Although we have been on trips (and stayed in cabins) first time since I was 8 months pregnant with Connor that we have been out. I can't wait. I still need to pack toys, toiletries, and whatever other bits and pieces I can think of in the next few hours.

A not so Dirty Apron

2011-07-18T10:26:00.001-07:00

Four hours of cooking and eating bliss last night.

For Christmas, Ken got me a cooking class at the Dirty Apron. Looking at the cost, I don't think I would have sprung for one of these for myself (I have a really cheap streak at times, I enjoy spending on holidays but at home at times seems to be a different story, damn daycare costs!!!)... but as a gift, it was an awesome since that choice was taken out of my hands. From the beginning I wanted to do a class where I learned something new - I wanted to cook something I didn't normally cook but really enjoyed. Like Thai. I lurve Thai food. The wrapped prawns? O M G they were good. I will learn how to deep fry in my wok at home for this one and make in a batch of 30. SO GOOD. We would watch how things were done, make a course, eat a course (and have some yummy Thai beer with it) and then repeat the process for the next course.

It was an awesome night. There can be up to 22 students in a class, and everyone gets their own station. In between courses, you come back to your station and it is magically cleared! I wish I had this ability at home... It is a great space - clean, crisp lines, and very modern. David, the head chef, is a good instructor and the course is paced well, and the courses were awesome and I think will be decent to repeat at home. I see making a huge batch of green curry paste in my future to go with those prawns... Did I mention, SO GOOD? The cooking school is attached to the restaurant, Shambar, and I foresee a trip there in the near future. Well, near future may be optimistic since we seem to have issues finding babysitters. The joys of kids under 5, they are a wee bit high maintenance.

Would be fun out with my hubby to do something like this again, or to make it a girls night out.

Here is the write up for my cooking class:

The mastery of Thai cooking is an irrefutable art, but The Dirty Apron Cooking School believes even the most novice culinary student can achieve the delicate balance of spicy, sweet, sour, and salty. Chef David shares his love for the land, its people, and its tantalizing cuisine in My Thai, a cooking class for those who long to create Thai delicacies in the comfort of their own home. Feel the heat and surprise your taste buds with the complex and zesty flavours of Thailand: Crispy Wrapped Prawns with Hot ‘n Sweet Sauce, Thai Beef Satay with Coconut-Peanut Sauce and Vermicelli Salad, Chicken Green Curry with Stir-Fried Baby Corn

Bacon Jam, and a rainy saturday

2011-07-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

The beach BBQ we were going to attend got canned because of our ongoing terrible weather. It really, truly rained hard today. The kids have been climbing the walls because they have either been cooped up inside, or stuck in a car running errands. Not a lot of fun for a vacation week in July.

In true Kazzy-style, knowing the best way to get C-man to sleep is to tire him out, the three of us went to the park in the middle of the downpour for a walk. We were completely soaked. The boys were happy, hence, I was happy. They ran, jumped, and tried to swim in puddles. They terrorized the geese, stopped for a few ducklings, and pushed the rain from their faces. Home for a shower, soup, and then a nap (for one of them). B requested to make some cookies, so that we did too. Looking for a recipe I ended up sorting and getting rid of a huge bag of paper to recycle. I try to stay on top of it, but it is amazing how fast paper accumulates.

Once I cleared the kitchen of my cookie making mess, my hubby was inspired to try out the following recipe... It has bacon in it, can you go wrong?

Thank you to dinnerwithjulie.com for this husband friendly recipe. When you are cooking it down, watch the temperature so you don't overcook that sugar!

Bacon Jam
1 lb good-quality bacon
1 small onion, chopped
4-5 garlic cloves, chopped
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup coffee
1/4 cup maple syrup
1 Tbsp. balsamic vinegar (optional)
1 Tbsp. grainy mustard (optional)

Roughly chop the bacon and cook it in a heavy pot; transfer to a bowl using a slotted spoon, draining off most of the drippings. Saute the onion and garlic cloves in the rest for 5 minutes, until soft and starting to turn golden. Return the bacon to the pan, add the brown sugar, coffee, maple syrup, vinegar and mustard and cook over medium heat for half an hour, or until deep golden and thickened to the consistency of jam. If you like, cool and pulse in the food processor for a finer texture. Serve warm or cold.

Pronto Purple

2011-07-15T00:34:00.001-07:00

With a name like that I am most definitely referring to nail polish.

My final post of the night. It has been bothering me for weeks and I have finally repainted my toe nails. After many months of blue, and the occasional foray in to metallic pink.. hello PRONTO PURPLE.

Dry fast so I can go to bed, I think I am going to read The Echo in the Bone next. I won't admit how long it has been on the shelf waiting for the "right" time to be savored!!!

Painting rules.

2011-07-15T00:18:00.000-07:00

In all fairness to my youngest.. this is probably where he got some of his inspiration from...

I love painting - the freedom of just spilling the colours and letting go. I like seeing what my kids can carelessly create without telling them what they can and can't do.

Plus, get messy. Last I checked they were boys and I would rather all of us get our hands dirty than just sit back and watch.

This is what happens when you ignore someone...

2011-07-15T00:12:00.000-07:00

My karma.

All painted up and purdy with finger paints (and the floor, cabinet, and chair) when he should have been sleeping.

This is what happens when life is just too damn busy during the day and your coffee habit is flourishing. You start posting, because you can, and the house is silent, and it is just so nice to pay attention to your blog.

Granted, one of these nights I also need to start paying attention to our growing accumulation of pictures as well.

Get over it already.

2011-07-14T23:25:00.000-07:00

Being a parent has been the most amazing journey. Being the parent of a kid who has a few extra challenges (I rarely if ever say the words in here, the scary words being hydrocephalus and spastic diplegia, a form of cerebral palsy that affects the lower limbs. For B this means muscle tightness that makes him walk with less coordination and makes balance a little more difficult, this is why he was a late walker. The hydrocephalus is managed by his shunt, which knock on wood, will not fail again but if it does we will cross that bridge when we get to it, I have one helluva strong boy and we are a strong family and can deal with it) thrown in to the mix has been an incredible journey with a few extra pitfalls to take in to consideration. Talking to some of our various professionals, I think a lot of what they need to do is support the parents because they are the ones that are frankly scared shitless for the first few years until they realize that their child is really and truly going to be okay. It really isn't so much about the kids because frankly they don't know a different reality, but for parents trying to be the best people they can be, and balancing work and finances, their relationships, and home, they are the ones that need a little bit of extra support and sometimes just listening to as they evolve in to their slightly adjusted parental role.

Getting over it all... (taking it on the chin, making margaritas...) time moves on... Then, somehow, you grow to arrive in the present moment, no longer as fragile as you once were as a new parent with a whole different set of challenges than you anticipated, more confident, and more capable. You adjust, you grow, you find that you have evolved in to a different kind of parent and person than you ever imagined. Life evens out, hell, it moves on. A few scary words put in to perspective when you envision your cool little person who shrugs off those labels and continues to play and be a kid. You recognize again your dude is really cool, as is your second dude, and you not really knowing any different, discover different strengths and talents.

Moving on to the next chapter as you are where you need to be as a mum, now that it seems your life has moved on and you have grown up a little, you now get to deal with the people who are going to take care of your kid when you are at work. You have to deal with the people who are going to be "teaching" your kid. You realize that even though you have been getting on getting over it (and have moved on and life continues) there are a bunch of people that get stuck on the scary words and their eyes seem to glaze over and their judgment becomes clouded over. The last few weeks have been about transition as we have moved in to a new childcare centre in our place (next age group), and we are getting ready for kindergarten. I see meetings in my future with a bunch of professionals to create a plan. On one hand the plan is about making sure B becomes the best person he can be and to create a education plan for PE, and on the other hand, it is to ultimately support our educational role models (teachers, etc) in figuring out that my kid has a few extra labels that don't really mean much at the end of the day - yes, they could, but the reality isn't quite what they first sound like when you try them out.

It just has been weird how this transition has gone. It has really done me in emotionally between dealing with the new staff (the casual staff and the program head have been great but the regulars freaked out a bit), dealing with a few issues from the past (when B had his surgery and how it was not handled by his last centre), and then with getting ready for kindergarten and making sure they know what to expect, and then setting goals with our physio, and our supported childcare person, and then getting ready for botox injections in a few weeks (which should help B's tone in the sense that it should just help him even further standing tall and get his legs going better, more retraining the brain). It doesn't help we got in to this care program in the 11th hour, or that we got in to our desired kindergarten program 17 minutes before they closed for the summer... One of the biggest deals is that it is a 1km walk from B's centre to school, and we will be walking it. The staff are concerned about how fast he will be and that at the end of last year the kids could do it in 22 minutes. They wanted to march the kids out the 1km and turn around and come back and not even play or rest or take a break in between. Their concern was that B wouldn't make it and make people late. It was "my problem" to deal with... things were looking pretty bad there (nothing like walking to work after a morning like that and wanting to do nothing more than go to your car and have a good cry). I pushed back, talked to the program head, etc... is it reasonable to ask any almost 5 year old to walk 2 km with out a real break? Not so much. 1km B can do.. he certainly is not fast, but he can do it. Will we compromise, absolutely, and yes, we are taking him on nightly walks to work on his endurance (okay, it also helps to tire out C) - if he needs more time, we can come early, or hell, bring a wagon as a "just in case".. take a few elevators, modify your route.. let us see what will work. This is just such a process. It is exhausting on top of everything else. Let him just be himself, he can do it - his way. This is what it comes down to, a similar process to what I went through, you see the words and get scared, and then you realize you are still just dealing with this really cool kid you love more than anything who isn't those words. So over the last two weeks I have had to help the staff get over themselves, and just kick back and enjoy and learn about my son. As if just dealing with ourselves wasn't enough, I get to help a whole new batch of people get over every year! a strange journey I must say.

Bloody hell, I start typing out all this stuff and it is no wonder I am feeling a bit crispy around the edges. And this is just stuff with B, not C, or his daycare, or his needs as a busy two year old - nothing to do with my own work, or selling our house, or dealing with a potential move, or trying to get all my laundry put away the day it happens and not five days later, and oh my god, maybe even getting a few hours with my husband ALONE one of these days..

Okay. Breath. Still with me? This is a longer ramble-rant.

The irony of it all, the second baseball team that I weaseled our way on to (after the first team crumbled at the end and this second team adopted us and continued playing up until this week), those two coaches who weren't professionals were amazing and didn't need to have all these meetings to figure stuff out. They welcomed our kid, played with him, taught him how to hit the ball, catch, and be a goof with a bunch of other kids his age. The other parents were rock stars and didn't question or ask what was up, they just accepted us at face value. What the hell is wrong when 5 of us have to meet to create a "strategy" to make sure that staff in an educational setting feels comfortable dealing with a kid with a few barriers that at the end of the day, are pretty minor barriers that he has already overcome? I don't get it. What the hell do the parents whose kids are so much farther down the spectrum have to deal with? I could not imagine. we are dealing with gross motor stuff - ultimately balance issues and endurance... not life threatening illness, or behavioral issues, or mental health issues. Woah.

We are going on holidays next week, and apparently there are some ciderys along the way. Never heard of a cidery? Like a vineyard only they make specialty ciders.. much more up my alley. I want to check this one out, and a few others. Find some nice craft brews, ciders.. some fresh seafood, have a campfire.. this is the stuff that matters and puts it all in to perspective.

Modigliani Scandal

2011-07-14T23:21:00.001-07:00

I just finished this one and you can see a glimmer of the writer that Follett evolves in to. This book didn't tax my energy, it almost felt like a "light and floofy" read, perfect for the beach. Nicely written, clever twists, engaging enough. Not one that will stick with me forever like a few of his other books, but a decent enough diversion.

I am not sure what to read next. I have a few "heavier" novels on my shelves, but nothing is really grabbing me right now.

Mercy Rule

2011-07-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

This is one series that I really enjoy. There is something to be said about following a set of characters over time, watching how their lives unfold. I enjoy the blend of police procedural, legal thriller, San Fran novel populated by some great characters. Defintely a pleasure to read.

I couldn't help but think while I read this novel that it is an example of how a writer can progress. I think of his first novel (Sunburn) that I read at the start of the year and how much better Lecroart's writing/plot/character development is now, it is night and day. If I had started with Sunburn, I don't think I would have picked up another one of his books... Speaks to change, and how a novelist can move forward and continue to improve in their trade. Of course, there are authors that move in the other direction ( formula writing, hit success and then their novels slide in to rote books lacking a spirit, etc... ).

Wet, cold gray. Warm, cold, gray.

2011-06-30T22:44:00.001-07:00

Maybe we haven't broken a lot of rain records this year, but it has been truly dreary. It is good for my man since he works in the elements, and not being baked to a crisp is a good thing, but I would love to have even a few more sunny hours to enjoy outside. I do like the drama of stormy clouds clashing in different shades, and then intermittent rain showers... but really, it has been so ongoing, it is getting to be an old soundtrack.

I am so grateful it is a long weekend - I am planning to stay in bed late tomorrow.. of course in the world with 2 kids under five, working full-time late now means sometime around 8 o'clock. Kind of like 10 at night is like the new 2 am. I saw Bridesmaids with a friend tonight, and well, the romantic thread was good, and it was funny (at times, I did laugh out loud) but there was a comical edge to it - almost farcical where edges were pushed to not quite so funny anymore, I am feeling a little uncomfortable here... It was decent, IMHO, but not OH MY GOD I HAVE TO SEE IT AGAIN. That being said, I had a few flashbacks to when I was young, and when Wilson Phillips played, I thought of one of my dearest girlfriends, and driving in her car when we were 18, ready to conquer the world.

Good doesn't always mean an easy read

2011-06-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

Another classic novel that I have been curious about... Indeed this was a good novel, and a different take on Chinese culture and society than others that I have read (Snow Flower, Bonesetter's Daughter, Jade Peony to name but a few). It is simply written, and although it doesn't specify the timeframe, this is early twentieth century as revolutions begin to happen.

This is the story of a farmer, Wang Lung, and his family. Starting out poor but with land, this is the story of Wang Lung's coming of age in China, and follows the arc of his life. I found this book hard to read at times, frustrating because of how women were treated (as slaves, as fools, as worthless daughters) and I found that when O-Lan (Wang Lung's wife that he is given from the great house of Hwang) dies in the book, the quiet heart beating in the story went with her. This book is powerful in the story it tells, the quiet irony of it's pages as Wang Lung's fortune rises with the downfall of one great family, and his family ultimately moves towards a similar outcome. This story weaves several themes throughout, and one worth paying attention to is what happens when a parent/father sacrifices everything for land and prosperity, and the kids don't value it all, and think the parent is misguided and foolish when they reach their own maturity. That the parent makes their own mistakes in their own marriage, in their own discovery of free time and pleasure also makes an interesting backdrop to this book. I can appreciate how this was given the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1932.

After reading this, and the last few books I have read, I have a need to dive in to a good suspense novel... Lescroart here I come!

Back to that list of 100 books...

2011-06-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

It was just about four years ago I tackled this meme - and bolded the books I had read from one of those lists that list the "100 best books of.. " . I have been trying to knock off a few of the titles I hadn't read to see if they were "all that". Here is the updated list.. 64 then... now 69... looking at the list, I am not sure how many more from this list I will end up reading.. some I have no interest in trying.. ah well, it was an interesting exercise to say the least!

*Look at the list of books below.
*Bold the ones you’ve read.
*Italicize the ones you want to read. NOTE to self- I made them RED
*leave blank the ones that you aren’t interested in.
*If you are reading this, tag you're it.

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving) (tried, didn't finish)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie(Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True(Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible (not the whole thing)
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy) - I tried, couldn't get through it
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb) - I tried here too, didn't go it for me
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy) (tried, didn't finish it years ago)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice) (tried)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez) (once again, tried)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence) (may have read already)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down(Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth(Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

Two.

2011-06-27T10:38:00.000-07:00

My baby, I can't believe you are two.

I have been back to work a full year now. Where the hell did the time go? No more mat leaves for me! My family is complete with you two boys.

I am so happy that you are weaned, in your own bed (most of the time) and that your words are starting to come fast and furious. I love your curiosity, and I laugh when you say "I want". We are still working on cutting those two year old molars, and when you are quiet, I am truly worried at what you are up to. You are a true joy, except when you have your meltdowns, and even then, I love you so. You are a mover, and you rarely sit still, you are captivated by our water cooler, and absolutely love bath time. I can't wait to see what the next year will bring!

Worth a chance...

2011-06-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I handed the Book Thief to a friend and told her to stick with it, and get over the beginning of the book, it was worth seeing it through. This book became a version of this for me... I really struggled through the first 100 pages, and I kept recalling my friend who recommended it, saying that it was a good read, albeit a different one.

I am glad that I stuck it out - this is a book that will stay with me for a while. Like a few of the books I have read this year, I think that this one is hard to pigeonhole in to any one category. Part mystical and magical, part family drama, part love story, part tragedy. Beautifully written, pissed me off completely at times, and tugged on my heart strings at other times. This is a highly unusual book, and if you check out reviews of it, it tends to have a polarizing effect on it's readers, people either love or hate it. I would say that any book that evokes a reaction, and also distracts you because you want to see it's conclusion is a good book. Would I shout from the mountaintops that you have to read this one? No, but it is a really good book. Amazing for someone who is ESL, amazing that it is written by a man. The archetypes in this book, the poetry, the relationships, okay, this book caught me off guard. This is Setiawan's first novel, and I can't imagine what his next one will be about.

The season is done.

2011-06-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

The cup run is over, and for this I am somewhat grateful. Unlike 1994, I cannot say that I am bitter about this loss. At the end of the day, the Bruins outplayed us - it wasn't the refs that lost us the game, we did that on our own. You can't get outshot 16-1 in 4 games and expect to win.

Then there was another riot in lotusland. To say I was appalled when comments began to appear as the cup was being hoisted on FB hinting to the mob is an understatement. Watching the images unfold on tv, seeing our city being trashed by a bunch of hooligans, bloody stupid. What happened wasn't about hockey, anymore than it was in 1994. The difference now is social media, and a different kind of finger-pointing and justice that is emerging and being questioned. It's unreal when you think of the events that happened that night, the blatant disregard for property, personal safety, and the seductive permission and amnesia of a crowd hellbent on distruction. I could go on - but there are already so many words penned about this.

Disgusted by the few, proud of the folks who turned up the next day to clean up and take back their city. Pretty amazing what comes from great bad things, and then the great good things. Life does seek out balance, even if it isn't always obvious.

Besides all the images of what people did, I can't help but think of all those people, milling around, holding up their phones to take pictures or videos. Standing around, curious, and taking pictures. Some people tried to intervene, while most stood around and took pictures. I am not sure about this whole social media revolution and phones with cameras, and ICBC with face recognition technology.... there is an underlying thing happening here that makes me a bit nervous, for lack of better words. The extent to which people have been "outed" is something to behold, but I also question all those who stuck around to watch - who is more quilty? The hand that acts, or the hand that stays?

So many unanswered questions, it will be interesting to see the social fallout of an experiment like this. For one, I am glad the season is done, our Nucks gave us one helluva run, and I hope the weather improves and shows us something of a summer. Time to literally move on.

Thoughts to reflect upon

2011-06-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

I was speaking to one of Brandon's team members yesterday and getting ready for kindergarten, and we got to talking about attitudes. They mentioned a poem that I should look up, since I could probably appreciate it - and I could. I must admit I stumble over the word disability - you can substitute "challenges" or whatever word suits you. The attitude I have discovered is that people enable and disable themselves every day, and this is a poem by someone who is walking forward, head held high, looking the world in the face. Here it is:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Decent.. but not over the top

2011-06-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

This was one of those books where I alternated just really enjoying the language and the read, to places where I skim read through sections, and to others where it felt like the plot was being tied up in as quick a manner as possible. I still really enjoy Smith's writing, but this is not one of his best. I think that the first 3/4s were better than the last 1/4, and I could have done with less safari kills. The last 1/4 in some ways just didn't measure up and took on an increasingly rapid pace to the final page. Like another one of my favourite authors, Slade, I miss their longer novels (you know, the 7-900 page books it takes a long time to read). It just seems that with the shorter novels, you miss something along the way.

Wickedly delightful

2011-06-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

It should come to no surprise that I love live theatre. I saw Hairspray a few weeks back, and it was better than what I expected. It was also a great day because I had a really good outing with my mom - which doesn't always happen.This time I went with a dear friend, and I think we both really needed a day out with a good girl friend. If we were willing to empty our pockets (Wicked was not cheap to see) we could have had better seats, yet even higher up, you didn't miss anything. The voices were clear, the music good, and the sets amazing. This is a musical that starts slow, and like a ball tumbling downhill that gathers up momentum, it sweeps you off your feet with it's magic. It was awesome.

Yet another musical that makes seeing Phantom in Vegas seem to pale in comparison. Wicked is worth every penny and is a wonderfully crafted play. I like that it flips the traditional tale on it's head, and that you see that the "Wicked Witch" truly wasn't quite as evil and nasty as they say. This musical did more 'showing' than 'telling', and it was just a marvel to watch unfold. I would go again. Right up there with other memorable plays/musicals that I have seen over the years.

See it.

Buzzzz Kill

2011-06-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

Of course we get great weather on blastball Mondays and Wednesdays just as the 'Nucks make the final round of the playoffs. First two games, awesome.

Last two games = buzz kill.

I am grateful I was at the blastball diamond, trying to teach my kid to throw, catch, and hit. Each time after the second period, it was 4-0 when we got in to the car to come home... WTF?? Do we really need to do this the hard way, every time? Yah, yah, I believe... I knew we weren't going to sweep (one could hope though) but to lose your shorts like that. Bah.

So, rather than watch the last moments at home, we bundled ourselves together to head over to our MILs for her birthday celebration. Truly, the game took a backseat to enjoying family, especially since the 'Nucks at that point were not even in the chase. *SIGH*.

I think Friday night, we will be back to wearing our jerseys (which we didn't get in to because of b-ball practise), some homemade pizza, some wings, crack a cold one or two, and watch the game. It is the final after all, can't expect it to be easy. To not have lost 8-1 and 4-0 would have been a bonus though!!

On a total different note, this week has been chaotic. Blastball, working at both alternate locations, birthday celebration, graduation, Stanley Cup finals, a physio appointment, and then on the weekend, chiropractor for me, eye check ups, and the riding. I can't believe another session is just about done! Almost time for Brandon's second horse show! Talk about time flying... needless to say the house looks like a clothing and toy bomb has exploded

Get out the paint brushes!

2011-06-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said about kids art. Check out this young prodigy - she just opened her first art show in NYC at the ripe old age of 4!!!

For some reason, I have the urge to buy more paints! more canvas! throw down an old sheet and then let the boys have at'er.

I admit it, I love their art. I love that Brandon loves to paint (and seems to have a different knack than I do for blending colours), and Connor seems pretty keen on it too. Seeing this is a reminder to make more time for painting, and art in general. Colouring is cool, but painting is that much of a better medium to work with. Weekends seem to pass by in such a blur, it is a good reminder to maybe set aside a Sunday every month and make it a day to make an art project...

Hello Sunshine!

2011-06-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

I had to water my plants last night instead of waiting for them to be beaten down from more rain! It is sunny - glorious sun! Shortly I will head outside for a walk to get some exercise and just enjoy being outside in a skirt and not being cold. Yay for the little things.

I figured out what I am going to read next: Assegai by Wilbur Smith... another book in a series I have followed over the last few years. I must admit a certain fondness for this series in particular, and I would also grudingly admit that Smith's style appeals to me - the adventure of it all.

GULP, game 3 goes tonight.. we are already two games up.. that balloon of hope has been swelling!!! Here is a picture of my two boys, singing the anthem before game 2. Around our house we are a little cup crazy about now. After work it is get the boys, run home, figure out some dinner, watch some hockey, go to baseball, watch the rest of hockey, get the boys to bed, fall over and rest for another day.

This is something that came across my desk today: students between the ages of 18-27 feel empowered by student debt. At age 28, somehow they start to realize that maybe their student and credit cards debts aren't a good thing. Looking back, I can't remember a time where I thought my student debt or credit card debts were a good thing - it was a way of life to get me through school because I could not have afforded it any other way. This is CRAZY!!!

After a little arm twisting in the beginning, I liked it.

2011-06-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

I found it really hard getting past the first twenty-odd pages of this book. A few friends have said this is a good book, and knowing this got me through the first part. Although I also have a friend whom hated this book (although that being said, when I talked to her about it last week when I realized I was really enjoying the book and I was surprised she didn't like, she admitted she read the first 10 pages, rolled her eyes, and took it back to the library).

The first part isn't smooth, it is a rough transition, and not just because Death declares themselves to be the narrator. It seems that once part one officially starts, this book finally takes off and the story ropes you in.

This is a good book - I find it strange that it is often marketed as a young adult novel. Is this because the characters are young? I think it is an important book for youth to read (as is Frey's Million Little Pieces) but I wouldn't exactly call this a kid's book.

Once again, a different take on the holocaust. I enjoyed this much more than Sarah's Key and I found the story that much more engaging, and that much more believable (or accessible for lack of a better word). Sad, dark, and yet uplifting this story told from the perspective of a poor, fostered girl in Nazi Germany. This book is many things, and I think it is one that will stay with me. I find myself grateful that I have shifted slightly what I have been reading - the books I have been reading in the last year are just so much more fulfilling than some of the others I have blitzed through all in the name of escapism. I must retract that statement, I have read a lot of great books, the ones I have been reading more of lately are just more "big L" literary than a lot of the mystery and suspense novels I was going through so quickly. I am still reading them - just not as much.

I am not sure what to read next - I have a few on my shelf that are beckoning me...

Potential for another rainout.

2011-05-30T07:49:00.000-07:00

Tuesday and Thursday blastball appears to have had far better luck than us. It's Monday, and once again, it is raining. If this continues, we will have our 7th rain out thus far. It is hard to build momentum for a sport when you miss at least one practice (out of two) a week because of the weather.

Have I mentioned how humbling it is to try to teach an almost 5 year old how to play baseball? I take it for granted that I can throw well, and hit, catch, and understand the mechanics of the game. The kids dog pile on each other for the ball, and wrestle when they are waiting to try to hit, and watch the ball when they throw.. you have got to be kidding. When they run the bases they jump on first and then run in an ellipse until they get back to home base.. it is a sight to see!!! I had forgotten that baseball actually requires a fair bit of skill. Running, hitting, throwing, and catching sounds easy.. until you see a bunch of five year olds trying to master this skill set!!!

Should be another busy week - my mom is getting her knee replaced, the Don will have a CT scan to make sure the shunt is doing it's job, a birthday party in the middle of it, some allergy testing, and work, work, work!! It seems like the weeks are rolling by faster and faster.

A sign.

2011-05-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

There is a sign out front of our house.

For the first twenty years of my life, I dreaded when that sign would go up because it meant we were moving again soon. Now, it means the start of a new chapter. In the past, I would try to avoid this change because it was another move in a series of moves.. Now, the for sale sign represents a change in the right direction - a home totally of our own, more space, more everything. I am holding out for two bathrooms.

We were originally thinking it was going to be early next year, but timing has come together that the time is now, and we could potentially make a great deal on selling our house. Fingers crossed it happens soon, that we get what we need, and we find a great place to move to. It feels like this is going to be a year of milestones and hurdles crossed.

O M G !!!!

Another chapter in the saga

2011-05-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

Well after so many literary novels, I need to go back to a thriller. This is another chapter in the Agent Pendergast series, and delves in to the murder of his wife, a decade ago.

Once again, these writers deliver a well researched, fast paced novel that ends on a decent cliff hanger. Of course I can't wait to read the next one... which comes out in a few weeks. The worst part of their books is that I have read all of their collaborations - although I haven't read all of their stand alone novels. I like their blend of realism, history, and then the fantastical. Makes for some great reading.

End of a nice day

2011-05-22T21:31:00.000-07:00

38 has started out just feeling so much more positive and together than 37 did.

Had a great day with friends today - watching the game, eating, laughing, and watching our kids play and hang out together. It was pretty sweet. It was strange that it was a noon hockey game - by the time everyone was gone at 7, I think we are were all done, but not in a bad way. The kids are all able to go to bed at a decent time (okay, maybe not mine but I am flaking out and letting them watch a movie) and the house is even in decent shape. O M G, I am finally getting better at this.

I feel just a bit more self aware than I did a year ago. I think part of that is getting more sleep (no more b'feeding, yay) and Connor transitioning to his own bed have made a huge difference to me overall, that and starting to get my confidence back at work too. Something to be said about not being so tired all the time, so ragged around the edges.

The 'Nucks dropped their game on Friday night, and I wasn't all that surprised.. this means Tuesday could be a really big night! DAMN!!! I just realized my book club is meeting on Tuesday, and ironically enough, we are going to see a movie... PVR?! Fingers are crossed we make it to the next round... quickly!!!

Unclipped

2011-05-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

I am just so *proud* of my boy, Brandon

He isn't even 5, and his horseback riding is going amazing. Not only is it "good" for him (stretching out his leg and hip muscles, working his balance) he is getting good at it and it is building a different kind of confidence.

The yearly horse show is in a month, so we are starting to prepare him for the classes we are going to enter him in. One of the classes is pole bending, and he will be doing it "unassisted" without someone leading him through the poles. AKA - unclipped from his lead walker (she is just an awesome gal). He practiced leading his horse Midnight through the poles today, and him doing it solo (around the poles and back again)- was inspiring, even his lead walker was all choked up. What a victory.

I am also getting a lot of being at the barn and talking to the other parents, volunteers, the people who work for PRDA - very humbling, very inspiring, very grounding. Talking to other parents who have had unusual paths (not the norm) like us is empowering, and it just helps to talk to people who may not have the same story, but there is a common thread there. It is an amazing place and I am so glad to be involved and I can't wait to read what I will be writing about Brandon's equestrian abilities even another year from now.

Balance

2011-05-19T10:35:00.000-07:00

It feels like I am starting to get caught up on all my projects at work this week, and making some breakthroughs too (of a sort).

I have been back to work almost a year, and I must say, it is a challenge. I look back at the last year since I came back, and it has really been a journey. I have learned so much - about myself, about what I do, the people I work with... again, I have shifted from the person I was a year ago. It isn't easy getting back in to the swing of things, getting up to speed, changing gears at work, getting over disappointments in work and life and then still performing. It has been tough. Hawaii was tough - I put so much importance on the trip and then both kids were so sick, it was a bummer of trip. Christmas break was tough - once again, sick family just throwing things for a loop. Then my gran dying, and Brandon's surgery... and then everything seeming to lift, and live just truly moving on.

Work has been frustrating at times, and the rewards have been hard fought for, when I have found them (LOL). It isn't that bad, but it has felt that bad at times. I have felt pressured to be faster, or be better up to speed, or to have my business writing skills honed to perfection immediately, or to be a good team player all the time when I am caught up in my own head, and own things that have to be done (especially when I am the one to take this lead in this, not my coworker). I gave up lunches there for a few weeks, did some work from home, and I am glad I did since I can see things starting to ease, but it has not been easy. Plus it feels like I am a bit at odds with my manager, and at some point we will need to have a conversation, but it won't be an easy one. I think there have been some hurts/misunderstandings along the way (probably on both parts) and things that both of us could have done better over this year, I am willing to take some stuff on the chin, but not all of it. I haven't initiated this conversation yet because it is still too raw, and I don't have the words. I suspect when it happens, I won't have all the words, but I will know what I want to say. I had a conversation with my overall director the other day, and we are all good, and they know where I am coming from, and that is truly key. The rest will work out, and be awkward at times, but you know, that is what you grow from and that is what I am trying to keep in mind. This last year has been all about growth, and shifting, and I have made some mistakes along the way, and then I keep making new ones, but I think that this is part of my own development and hopefully makes me a better person at the end of this part of my journey. So there, enough of this inner rumination and run on sentance... again.

The themes of my life are now time management, balance, and trying to stay on top of everything. The list is a powerful object in my life. As is my calendar. All about management. I am taking my lunches again, and some of my breaks, and I am trying to sort of the rest of the details, like getting some exercise. My next goal is better balance, and to drop 25 pounds by fall. Wouldn't that just be great?!

Looking forward to a little TGIF tomorrow, and a long weekend!

Now that was a game.

2011-05-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

That bubble of hope just got that much bigger.

O M G. We just delivered the spanking we got a last year from Chicago...

Classic novel

2011-05-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

I have been swapping books back and forth with a friend, and this was the latest book she arm twisted me to read. I read A Passage to India about 15 years ago, so reading this book was reminiscent to another time in my life - one in which I was totally immersed in my undergraduate studies. Forster is a great novelist - funny, sophisticated wit, intelligent plots, timeless. This book is no different and I am sure that I will watch the movie that came out a few years ago (it too came with high reviews).

Many times I found myself wanting to write out quotes from this book. Thank you wikipedia for the following quotes, saves me from finding them in the book. This is a romance and a period piece, now that a hundred years has passed since it was written, and a fine read. It rings true as a story, and provides a window in to another time, a different place - yet the emotions and the feeling remains constant.

There's enough sorrow in the world, isn't there, without trying to invent it

The kingdom of music is not the kingdom of this world; it will accept those whom breeding and intellect and culture have alike rejected. The commonplace person begins to play, and shoots into the empyrean without effort, whilst we look up, marveling how he has escaped us, and thinking how we could worship him and love him, would he but translate his visions into human words, and his experiences into human actions.

Life is easy to chronicle, but bewildering to practice.

It isn’t possible to love and to part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know from experience that the poets are right: love is eternal.

where were we before the 'net?

2011-05-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

In a mother moment, I was unloading groceries and putting them away.

In a toddler moment, Connor grabbed a red sharpie, and drew on the really nice, HD computer monitor.

In a typical older brother fashion, Brandon waited to tattle until after Connor had finished his drawing.

In a feat of superhuman strength I did not lose my cool, googled the net and discovered that toothpaste should work. Really? After using wipes, and some vodka... toothpaste would work on a monitor against the likes of a sharpie?

Well, it appears I have been proven wrong, and happily.

Viola! Red sharpie drawing gone. What the hell did we ever do before the net?

Now this is funny

2011-05-04T19:20:00.001-07:00

Late night!

2011-05-03T01:19:00.000-07:00

Whoops. Everyone was asleep early tonight so I frittered away some time on the 'net and then dove in to my book. I only intended on reading a few pages, and it turned in to a hundred, midnight rolled by, and then... well. Here I sit.

This is a good story, not a great book, but an important story that needs to be told. I could tell you what worked for me, and what didn't work so well, and in a way, how rushed this book felt, especially towards the end, yet I think that would capture the book - I don't think this would stand up so well to a traditional English literature class deconstruction, but it doesn't have to. I am glad it is popular, because it means that people are remembering about events like this in the past, that tidbits of history are being unburied, remembered, and talked about it - this is important. Although the characters are fictional, the events described in this book were real.

This is a holocaust book that describes a little known event that took place in Paris, 1942, when French police round up mainly Jewish women and children. It is something that has been washed over with overlooked plaques and the forward motion of time. Stories like this, and even the Potato Peel Society... are important because they tell about events that are not part of mainstream consciousness.

I took a course on the Holocaust when I was in university, and it was the first time I had learned about it. This still strikes me as slightly unreal - I was a good student in high school, and although I did not take History 12, I just never knew. Hard to believe that this is a terrible piece of human history and it isn't always taught. I don't know what it is like now, 20 years later in our high schools, but...

I remember the books I read that fall, and it was a long, bleak fall. Those books and films have stayed with me - and I took that course back in 1995. It was profoundly sad to contemplate, and yet, within the horror, there are stories of triumph, of hope, of the human spirit - in the good and the evil. I took the course at a time of transformation in my own life, moving beyond one of my earlier selves and maturing a little, you know, into a mature 22 year old (laugh at self inserted here) that has just been to Europe for a summer holiday.

This book was decent. I would however recommend the following if you ever wanted to delve further in to this topic in terms of literature:

Schindler's List, Thomas Kinneally, yes the movie is good, and the book is really good
Sophie's Choice, William Styron
Night, Elie Wiesel
Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl
Anne Frank, the Diary of a young girl

I have the Book Thief on my reading list, and I suspect at some point I may read the Boy in the Stripped Pyjamas, but I can't guarantee it (one of the gal's from my book club has talked about this one, sounds like a tear jerker).

Really, blue???

2011-05-02T22:11:00.001-07:00

Can't say I am thrilled with this election. To say my candidate did not win, is an understatement.

Bah.

I did experience some character growth today as I participated in a PD day! I got to learn about FIRO - Element B personality testing and it really was quite intriguing. I will have to sit and ruminate about this one for a bit, let the ideas percolate before I go out on a limb and make sweeping comments. (thank you Wikipedia for the following):

Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation (FIRO) is a theory of interpersonal relations, introduced by William Schutz in 1958. This theory mainly explains the interpersonal underworld of a small group. The theory is based on the belief that when people get together in a group, there are three main interpersonal needs they are looking to obtain - affection/openness, control and inclusion. Schutz developed a measuring instrument that contains six scales of nine-item questions that he called FIRO-B. This technique was created to measure or control how group members feel when it comes to inclusion, control, and affection/openness or to be able to get feedback from people in a group.

*****
Human nature is that everyone feels insecure, incompetent, unlikeable, out of sorts, etc at some point. This test helps measure what your triggers are buried within Inclusion, Control, and Openness by looking at what you "want" and what you "do". My biggest disconnect was in the realm of "inclusion" and it got me thinking - what are some of my fears - of course I want to be liked, and I like to feel a part of things, but is this perception or perceived need holding me back, and if so, how do I change my story? Now this is the interesting part - someone in our group relayed a story that was familiar to me - the desire for inclusion and also having moved around a lot growing up, and a need to overplan themselves, and once one goal has been achieved, to push on towards the next one, always seeking.

Damn, that sounded a bit familiar, I can truly thank my hubby for helping me calm a bit of that down - learning how to enjoy a moment rather than several moments back to back to back to back, running between them all at a frenzied pace. It got me thinking in a different way about the impact of moving around so much when I was young, what I am choosing for my kids, and now, how I choose to integrate that experience for the here and now. It is crazy that this instability growing up, always been the new kid, never growing up with one set of peers created both a person whom is friendly, open and outgoing, but also someone who wants to be included, and doesn't want to feel left out - buried need from being the new kid? It is an interesting thought to toy with and blast away, since that drama is years in the past and now in my own control. I look back 10 years ago, and I enjoyed making all the plans, and throwing parties and making things happen, and through this lens, I see that it was a way to make sure that I was included. I think I have moved away from this need for inclusion - now I wonder how much of it is situational and how much is habitual.

Well worth the session - and timely. It would be interesting to do this one again in a few years when the kids are older and I am further along the dual track of motherhood and career.

1.40

2011-05-01T22:06:00.000-07:00

It makes me glad we did a quick trip stateside this weekend to get gas when I wake up Monday morning and see the price at the pump hit $1.40 a litre.

O M F G. We are closing in on a buck-fifty again! We like to do driving holidays!!

I put $30 in my tank Thursday... more than likely, I will be putting more in on Tuesday when I go out to the other campus to work. My truck is no where close to being fuel efficient and I am starting to wonder what 4x4 is... although a different vehicle is not a priority for the next few years, I cannot get over high the price of gas is getting, it is unreal when $30 doesn't even get you through the week (that isn't driving on the weekends) and you only put on about 150 kms a week, at most. Okay, I drive up and down some significant hills, but really.... really??!

Jeans Day

2011-04-28T10:48:00.000-07:00

Can you ask for a better charity to support?

It was easy to buy my pin this year. I am wearing my jeans with pride.

Deja Vu

2011-04-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

I must admit there is a certain joy when you "discover" a new author and realize that they have at least 20 books under their belt for you to read.

However, when you start tracking what you are reading (like I am this year), it makes it pretty obvious what appeals to your reading tastes. It is always sad when you reach the end of an author's canon and you have to wait for them to produce more work! LOL. I am thoroughly enjoying Robinson's books. Great mystery thrillers, with just enough details and great plots. This one was no different.

I called this post "deja vu" since as I was reading the first few chapters of The Summer that Never Was it felt like I had read this story before. I had to flip through a few pages to see if this was right. Then I remembered reading Tana French's book earlier this year, and there is a passing resemblance between these two books. That being said, Robinson's came out first {LOL}. Now French's book doesn't seem as unique in retrospect, and since In the Woods left me with questions, and this one left me will some answers from what I have read in this series and has more books to read... well... I suspect a few more Robinsons' before I pick up another French.

Pink Eye

2011-04-19T23:17:00.001-07:00

I can't say I would want a do-over for today, but it could have been a better day.

Looks like Brandon has pink eye (caught from his group daycare) and we were called to pick him up. He is the 6th kid to catch it from his class.

Needless to say, we got Connor checked out as well, and so far so good, he doesn't officially have it yet, but one ear is a little red. *SIGH*

Ken rolled his ankle and is limping, I have my heel pain, and my eyes were crusty too. What a lot we are! All a wee bit off, snuffly, and just not at 100%. This is a great week for it to be a short week.

Work has been a mixed bag - it has had a really interesting vibe lately. I find some parts of my job really rewarding, and some parts have felt like a real grind. I feel like I am getting somewhere, and I feel like I have to second guess myself too. Since I was somewhat called out, I have reflected some, and parts just don't feel all that justified, and for parts, what I observe what else is going on, feel completely unjust. I have felt a shift within myself, what I am willing to do, the lists I am going to make to chart my own progress, and just pausing a little more to try to be more reflective too. I feel like am on solid ground in some aspects, and quicksand in others. I also feel like every time I look up, it is Friday again, and that another week has already slipped by. Time is just flying.

Weaning has gone better than I expected. Overall Connor has been great to put to bed. I cannot wait for my body to adjust, and for my damp chest to a thing of the past. It is a great feeling to have no regrets about breast feeding, and to not feel like looking back. It was a great chapter, and one I am truly glad to be moving on from.

Garden Spells

2011-04-18T14:18:00.000-07:00

Every now and then a bit of whimsy is just what is required. We had an amazing weekend getaway... finally. No one got sick, the weather was agreeable, and the sights were awesome. I even got to read a light and fluffy book, that was just perfect for this weekend.

This is what I like about chick-lit. Okay, a little bit of magic happened (something endearing about an apple tree that drops apples at your feet that will reveal the biggest event of your life to you when you eat it, good or bad) between the pages, and in a way, it reminded me a little of a Nora Roberts book in that sense (with the romance, and the easy to connect to characters and the charm), and I truly enjoyed it. Not a heavy read, and it delivered a good, happy ending, which was what I was looking for. I would read more books by this author - this was a delightful book.

So long, good friend.

2011-04-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

In the car, heading for the ferry, my dear husband tells me he threw out our old espresso machine. I can't say I was ready for that - I would have been quite happy to put it in the box for that my new machine came in and store it in the shed for a year, or two, or three... you know..

just in case. I guess I had that "look" on my face because he said "what's the point of storing it for someday, you know it leaks out water everywhere and you weren't happy with it" and I came out with a profound, "yeah.. but". You know how it goes. He was right. We don't need to store more electronics that don't work well in our shed, it is already bursting at the seams. I also like our new machine, even if I didn't like it at first.

I claim to be good at change, but really, some times I really am not as good at change as I hope to be. So, I shut up, and didn't call my dad to rescue the old espresso machine out of the garbage. Not bad for $50 (bought it used from a friend who worked at the coffee giant back in 2000).... it made thousands of good coffees, and at the end of the day, served me well. Farewell dear machine... may your successor last half as long... (they really don't make them the way they used to)

Done.

2011-04-12T23:25:00.000-07:00

The breastaurant is officially closed.

It closed for a night on Saturday, reopened briefly on Sunday, and closed again last night.

It felt so right. Well, Brandon got 2 years, and Connor got just about 22 months. They should both consider themselves lucky for two totally different reasons. After Brandon, I didn't feel like I was done yet, perhaps some inner awareness that another child was a possibility. Now, I am done. I am so glad to have had two kids, and to have breastfed as long as I did, and I am SO GLAD I finally did it.

It didn't happen how I thought it would - I had visions of Ken putting Connor to bed every night and me hiding out in Brandon's room. The cowards way out, this is what I figured would be the easiest. In the end, I ended up telling Connor he was a big boy, and slowly weaning him off by putting him on a nightly time limit, and on Saturday, I reached that point where it was really easy to just not do it. I sang to him, laid next to him, and stayed until he fell asleep. Then I ran out in to the living room and did a few fist pumps.

D O N E .

Did I mention I am just thrilled about this? For me it isn't about "getting my body back" (okay, maybe a little but more in the sense of not having some one pull down my shirt, or trying to grab me, and then go for a meal) but it just being so the right time. Connor is a big guy, he doesn't need it, and it is time to get comfort from his loved ones in a different way. Time for me to let go too, and move along.

Bedtime is getting easier, and the wake ups in the middle of the night haven't been as bad as I expected. It is a relief. So I didn't take the cowards way out and I dealt with it (my karma I suppose) and faced my fears about weaning. The heart wrenching cries were few, he seems to have handled it well, and life moves on. I will cherish the memories I have of breast feeding, and I am glad I persisted with both. Very rewarding, not the easy thing in the beginning you think it will be, and so very much the right time to move on.

A little of everything

2011-04-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

Reading this, I couldn't help but wonder where books like this where when I was doing all my literature courses...(damn dead WASPs... there is something to be said about World literature) for a book in translation, the prose was beautiful. This is a grand book, from beginning to end. It took me weeks to finish this - it really isn't a book that you pick up and read in one or two sittings. At times this is a coming of age novel, sometimes a mystery, at times a historical piece, sometimes it borders on a Greek tragedy, and at times, it is whimsical and fanciful in the language employed.

I quoted the opening passage a few posts back, and there is a thread about books and their stories that permeates this entire book. Have I mentioned how much I enjoyed this book? And not in the usual sense either... about 2/3rs of the way through I kind of did a bit of a groaner for the direction one of the characters ended up taking, but within the context of the book, it does create the Greek tragedy element to the tale, and makes it somewhat more poignant, even if this element was a bit distasteful (I won't give it away just in case you are so inspired to pick up this book).

How to describe in a nutshell what this is about - against the backdrop of WW II and the Spanish Revolution, this is the story about a young boy named Daniel, his widowed father, and their used bookstore. This is also the story of an obscure writer, whose life is ironically entwined with Daniel's and comes to a dramatic head by the climax of the novel. It is partly a coming of age novel, first loves, loss, war, living in an oppressed society, filial love, books, identity, stereotypes and archetypes. Did I mention this book had a bit of everything in it? I don't think I am doing the best job at relating what this book is about, but it is well worth a read. I had the urge to get out a highlighter and mark passages for future reference, and I did stick some bits of toilet paper in too.. but those bits are gone and I am not feeling up to searching through the book to find some worthy quotes to immortalize here.

Once again, I have to say I am glad that my reading habits have taken such a departure from what I was reading - I haven't been bored, and I have a bunch of books cued up that I am really looking forward to reading.

Organizing my head

2011-03-31T22:58:00.001-07:00

I am not sure, but I think that today was one of those days.

The nice perk is that today is my Friday, and I am home with the boys tomorrow, and I am feeling a burst of inspiration to do some spring cleaning. It started with organizing my closet a bit tonight when I put some clothes away (nice to have shirts together, then skirts, etc) and then to my socks, and then all the papers around my desk, time to feed the recycling bag again. I feel the need to get the stuff around me together and sorted and perhaps even tossed so I can get my head together too and free of some clutter. Or maybe the secret is just having some quiet time to process and not have someone calling on you ...

Total aside, where the hell do missing socks go? Now that there are 4 of us in the house, I somehow have a stack of unmatched socks. We aren't even talking about a few, I have between 10-15 unmatched socks. Many of them small - when did the boys acquire so many socks??? WTF?

On to my original topic - it has me thinking tonight about the challenges of returning to work after your second maternity leave in to a job that has "expectations". It is funny, I would say I have learned more in the last 9 months than I have in a long time, and yet I have been told that in some areas I am not hitting my stride. For some stuff, I take it on the chin and recognize where the failings are.. for other stuff, it almost feels like micromanaging from my higher up and I wonder if I could have met the expectations - especially when they were really vague and not all that well articulated, or maybe with my current energy levels there just wasn't a lot of inspiration in the tank. I feel like I need to make a list to address some things over the weekend, and then have another conversation, one in which I am prepared, and can have my say as well, rather than just sit there and take it, and respond in the moment, but not necessarily in a thoughtful manner. Mental note - when you want to have a mutually beneficial (even if you don't always see eye to eye) conversation with someone, don't ambush them.. give them time to prepare themselves. The irony is that this conversation feels like it has happened a week late - already been moving on and it feels like things have already shifted... almost funny, but not in a ha ha way.

It also got me thinking - it has been a helluva year. I would whinge a lot here, but I think that I will spare you, my reader, the eye rolling of reading a list full of things we have all had to deal with. End of the day, it is NOT EASY working full-time, being a full-time mom, trying to be a good wife, and a good person to yourself, and then even trying to stay in touch with friends too. Maybe even throw the cats and fish in there for good measure.

So tonight I may even do some work, see if I can find some inspiration sitting here in my jammies and go from there. Sometimes the quiet is just nice.

A fine book indeed

2011-03-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

What a fine book. Have I mentioned how much I am enjoying the Inspector Banks series??? I was up until the wee hours of the morning last night finishing off the book while I had the chance. What a great plot, with interwoven strands from the past (World War II) and current day, this was superbly executed. Just enough mystery to keep you wondering until the very end, and some nice character development as well. Since I haven't read this series in order, I am picking up on some information that I missed by leaping ahead. These books are tighly written, well plotted out, and not just a police procedural. The characters evolve, they are flawed, and the crime not overstated and over the top (just enough detail) and the countryside interesting. I look forward to my next foray in to a used bookstore when I can stock up on more of his books.

Now, my next book caught me with the first sentence. As I have been whinging, the last few books I have taken out from the library I have barely held on to for a day. I sat down to start this one at lunch time, and I was immediately enchanted. I am reading Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafron, and I can't wait to get further in to it.

This is how it begins -

"I still remember the day my father took me the Cemetary of Forgotten Books for the first time. It was early summer 1945, and we walked through the streets of Barcelona trapped beneath ashen skies as dawn poured over Rambla de Santa Monica in a wreath of liquid copper" Who wouldn't want to continue?

Shhhhhhhhhh

2011-03-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

Is it bad to not let your youngest have a nap because you know it means he will fall asleep easily, and early? Wait, don't answer that.

Well, my dear hubby has been away for a boy's weekend and should get home from the land covered with ice and snow sometime tomorrow night. From the sounds of it, he has had a very successful weekend ice fishing.

My weekend has been good too, in a totally different way, and has gone by incredibly fast. Thursday, when he left, seems like a lifetime ago. Friday was good - boss was away, which was just nice, and I got a fair bit accomplished at work, and then my BFF from when I was kid brought her boys over and we ate pizza, and spankmypitas, and ate candy, and played video games, and then our boys watched a movie while we talked some more. It was just magic. We had baileys on ice, we talked, we didn't solve life's great mysteries, but it was just so nice. It is a real trip to look back over 20 years and remember our 14 year old selves and now her oldest is almost 13. O M G. Watching him move to a dance video game was surreal - he is all gangly and long (all arms and legs right now and changing features as he leaves his boyish self behind) and growing so fast.. it is hard to believe I have known him forever, and his bro... they stayed the night, and we had breakfast and then we parted. They shopped and I took my boys to White Rock, and then we joined up again at her folks on Saturday. I took all the boys to the park, and my gal's youngest asked me how we were related, and I told him that they were family that his mom and I had chosen to be family. He kind of nodded, and I think he got it, and I think he also thought it was kind of cool too. He also called me mom a few times, I don't think he meant to at the park, it is just that I was the mom-figure that was out there with him. Hysterical was him having to take a whiz and running to a tree, and then the next thing I know my oldest's ass is hanging out and he is christening the same tree. It is magic how our kids get along. You can hope for stuff like that but you can't plan it. Shortly after, we headed home and me and the boys crashed out together, pretty exciting. Should I admit I will not win any culinary awards for how we have eaten this weekend??

Today I hooked up with other dear friends, and we went to Rocky Point. It was awesome. A total spring day, and ultimately, where we got married 5 years ago. Funny I have been to both places this weekend (by unconscious design??) ... we watched out kids play, we walked, and talked, and we even geocached! That was cool - watching our kids find the stash, and then trading trinkets. I could see that being a lot of fun as the kids get older. The only thing missing was my man, but I can tell him about it all tomorrow night when we swap stories.

Tonight I finally got some time for me - the boys are asleep and I think I will finally finish the book I am reading, it has only taken me about 2 weeks to get through it, you know, with a few crises thrown in for good measure. Hell, I even got to watch an episode of CSI that wasn't on the PVR!!! Will be interesting to see how this week pans out - I am moving my office tomorrow and we shall see how where I am at with my boss - I think everything is all good, but it has just been strange over the last few weeks... maybe I am just being paranoid because I missed all those days and need to get back in to the groove... also think I need to bring up minutes in our meetings when action things happen, not fun being the odd man out for stuff.

A day in the life..

2011-03-24T14:12:00.001-07:00

So much rattling around in my head I have no idea where to start.

How about strange and unusual bits?

Picked up Freedom, by Jonathon Frazier and I can't say it is doing much for me. When I leave work today, I will return that book to the library, pretty much unread. The joys of library books - they are risk free. If they don't capture you in the few little bit, bye-bye! Okay, I will admit I did check out some reviews, and a friend read it recently, and the reviews are all over the board. There are way to many great books out there to waste my time on a book that feels like work.

Almost 5 years married (tomorrow)... and my hubby just left for ice fishing in the northern flatlands of Alberta. The most romantic part? The cards we wrote to each other we pretty close to identical. Awwwwwww. I got a really cool ring too with all of our birthstones in it too!

Most important part, Brandon is doing amazing. His ability to recover is astounding. He is also quite willing to talk about his shunt, and show people his scar. Man, he is one cool dude.

Overall I think I am doing well -getting back in to the swing of things at work, and feeling not quite so scattered. That being said, I am unsure how work is going to treat my time off (I have a great letter from our neurosurgeon) whether it will be compassionate leave or some vacation time, or ?? I am also moving offices. I will be in close quarters with someone I really have no desire to be that close to. *SIGH* It is my old office, but I don't get my old desk. The desk is orientated in a way that I hate, so I will attempt to move some furniture around. I am not quite sure how everything is going to shake out. I can't jump up and down and say that this has been the best of my work times, overall it has been pretty frustrating over the last few weeks. I hope this chapter ends soon. I will make the most of the move - I will bring in plants, and surround myself with things that make me feel good. I will have a window again, and one that opens. I will just ignore the rest. Bah. At least I learned a few years ago how to advokate for myself.

Grateful.

2011-03-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

Warning, this is going to be a long post as I wax poetic, and also just unravel the experiences of the last few days. I don't talk about it that much, but our oldest son has hydrocephalus, which is treated by a VP shunt to divert excess CSF to his body cavity. This was diagnosed a few days before his first Christmas, and he had emergency brain surgery to put in the shunt. Since then, I have been scared shitless of the day if Brandon would ever need a revision in case the shunt failed. It has only been in the last few months that I have been been able to let go of some of this fear and stress, learning that it was never when the shunt would need replacing, but if.

That being said, last Tuesday Brandon got a random headache and started vomiting. He reported falling at daycare when questioned, but could never provide a lot of details about this experience, and no one saw him fall. We weren't sure if it is was a concussion, or the start of a flu (he had had a headache when we were in Hawaii with that flu, but he also had a fever and the vomiting and chills), or if it was something else. Wednesday morning Brandon was fine, until just before heading to work, the headache and vomiting came back.

Spent a few hours at home, Ken came home, I went to work... only to have Ken call to say he was really concerned since the headache lifted again, but came back with a vengeance. I came home from work, time passed. We had free tickets to the Canucks game so Ken went with a friend (I wasn't up to leaving or going out), and things just never got any better. A lot of vomiting (never had so much laundry to do in my life), and the headache just wasn't lifting. I had spoken to the neurosurgeon fellow at Children's and since Brandon was cognitively there, and it could have been a concussion, we weren't too worried... yet.

Thursday morning we dropped Connor off at daycare and went in to Children's. We had a CT scan within 2 hours, which really didn't show anything. Our neurosurgeon admitted Brandon for observation, and after a medication to stop the nausea, Brandon stopped vomiting, but the headache continued to progress. Ken went home to be with Connor, and in the wee hours of Friday Brandon's headache reached unreal proportions and he was in a lot of pain -pain not touched by all of the pain medications he was on. He was literally out of his head with pain, and then he would sleep for 20 minutes from exhaustion, until the cycle would start again. With the neurosurgeon and a few nurses, we did a shunt tap at 3am, discovering the shunt was not working. It was time for emergency surgery. It was a terrible phone call to make to your partner at 3am - come... our boy is going in to surgery. O M F G.

The team was assembled, and they were amazing. They didn't know what they would find, but what they found is that the catheter leading from the shunt valve in to Brandon's ventricle was no longer working - they replaced it, and tested the rest of the shunt (which was working and didn't need replacement)- and finished off. Everything was a success, and even in post-op, talking to Brandon, I had my boy back. He was no longer in pain, and was no different than he had been before the headache hit. He looks no worse for wear, a shaved patch on his head, a few stitches, lots of that pink antibacterial wash all over his body (no shower until tomorrow and no bath for a week after that to allow the stitches to fully heal). He is happy again, talking up a storm.

We were discharged from Children's on Saturday and going home was a joy. I have been afraid of a revision all this time, and it was the best thing that could have happened when he needed it. Talking to the neurosurgeon, this catheter is shorter, and better placed in the ventricle, fingers crossed, this should be it. I also know what to look for next time, and seeing him a few days later, already not needing any Tylenol, I am just grateful.

Last night we ended up having a bunch of family over and it was awesome - the best noise you could have asked for. Ken and I and the boys may just need time to get over this, but to have been surrounded by all that love last night, it was just magic. We had Brandon's favourite meal (roast beast, carrots, potatoes, and lava.. and then chocolate cake) and he played lots hockey video games, and we let him sleep in our room again, just because.

This all feels slightly unreal, we are home today and then we are doing a graduated return to daycare over the next few days. I am thankful for FB.. I was a bit nervous about posting something before we went in to surgery, but Ken posted what we were going through, and I am so grateful for the outpouring of positive thoughts. For such a difficult experience, we had amazing care, from the ER staff, to our nursing team, to the people we met in the ward, and our doctors. I am grateful Ken and I are a team in the true sense of the word - you realize how much so when you go through something like this.

Now, life moves on. Brandon is doing awesome, and I am sure at some point in the next few days I will quietly fall apart, and then put myself back together again. I feel grateful, and nothing but gratitude

A Strange Affair

2011-03-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

Well, after my foray in to my literary books, I had to go back to one of my tried and true favourites. I am truly glad that my local used bookstore proprietor recommended Peter Robinson to me when I was looking for new authors to read. I have enjoyed every one of his books that I have read, and this one was no exception. I have not read these books in series (you don't have to, much like Michael Connelly's Harry Bosch series) and the more I read, the more I want to read. This book has great characterizations, and the plot is tight. A great way to spend a few hours between the pages, up next is another in the series.

Travel shows

2011-03-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

If you have two nickels in your hand, what do you do? Rub them together and go on a trip! Although we don't always get to travel as far abroad as we would like (champagne tastes on a beer budget and those young children we have), when we do have the chance to strike out and see something a little different, we take the opportunity as often and for as long as we can!

When that doesn't work, we live vicariously through others. We stumbled upon the Idiot Abroad (funny stuff) and a friend recommended Departures (funny in a different way, and a little more thoughtful, to say the least) and between the two poles there are some great stories and inspiration for future travels.

I should also give a shout-out to my friends on the Renova, preparing for more adventures! There is something to be said for the gypsy spirit, soaking in all the experiences and sights that you can!

The travel bucket list - places to see and things to do, a never ending quest.

One end of the Spectrum

2011-03-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

You know when you are sitting there watching something on the telly, and then you hear a strange sound from the couch, and you realize it is the sound of your husband laughing, giggling, and chortling because what you are watching is just that funny? Check out these best bits from Karl Pilkington's, An Idiot Abroad... especially the bit that there is always a nutter around.. we have only caught a handful of the 8 episodes but they are cued up on the PVR to catch the rest. H I L A R I O U S.

The other end of the spectrum

2011-03-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

This is the intro to Season 2 (of 3) of Departures... this is a beautifully filmed and thoughtfully narrated travelogue of two Canadians traveling through some of the more remote regions of the world. Soundtracks are amazng, the cinematography is luxurious and stunning, and the guys are entertaining.

The finished products...

2011-03-09T07:50:00.000-08:00

Small and Medium hats (for the boys)

Ken's Viking Hat...I won't admit how many times I tweaked those &*^$@* horns!

My boys.

Damn Horns.

2011-03-08T16:12:00.000-08:00

It all started with the movie, How to Train your Dragon. This is a huge hit in our house, with two boys and all, a story about Vikings and Dragons, can you go wrong? I was searching out a hat pattern for inspiration to make myself a hat, when I stumbled upon this website, and this wonderful knitted Viking Hat. I thought it was pretty damn cool, but I didn't have the supplies on hand at the time.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and I kept returning to this pattern. It would be perfect for my guys. So, a few road trips later, and I have three Viking Hats. One I made with 66 stitches, one with 60, and the last one with 52 around. I adjusted the pattern a bit, and the post I did a while back about bobbles was how I learned how to make my first bobbles. It is a very easy pattern, and my only hitch was making the damn horns.

I have made the equivalent of five pairs for three hats. Apparently I learn the hard way. There is a horn pattern attached with this pattern, but I ended up free-forming my horns on double pointed needles. I learned the hard way that "bigger is not always better" and the first pair of horns I knitted on to my hubby's hat looked like Texas Longhorns. Drooping ones at that. Off they came, and several other versions happened. I learned that smaller, tighter horns are better (who knew) and that when you fill them with stuffing, really doesn't work all that well. After attaching two pairs, I had the idea that perhaps I should just use the scrap wool to shove in to the horns, and VIOLA! My problems were solved and the horns looked much better.

Needless to say, I have spent more time on the horns than I did knitting all three hats. This is a simple pattern, and I am grateful that I found it. The hats are a hit, and each of my guys can wear them with pride. It was magic watching Connor put on his hat and check to see if his horns where there.. and then Brandon getting to preschool and running around showing everyone his hat... now that I have improved my hubby's horns.. it will be great how to see it looks now. Makes my simple green hat seem not quite as colourful!

I will post some pictures of the finished hats tonight. I am pretty damn pleased with myself.

Room

2011-03-04T07:43:00.001-08:00

I have seen this on a few "best of" books, and when I am surfing the book lists, this seems to be one of the books that appears embedded within the stream of recommended reads.

I can't say that I am over the moon about this book. It was a provocative read, parts of it were really hard to wrap my mind around, some parts I skimmed over (just weren't going anywhere for me) and some parts I paid a lot of attention to. This is told from the perspective of five year old Jack and reveals the story of his upbringing in a 11 x 11 room (a reinforced garden shed) with his mother, whom had been kidnapped seven years previously.

This book is steeped in cultural references, for example, and it is insightful in some ways, and in other ways it fell somewhat flat for me- as a narrator Jack was at times great, and then the story around him seem to fracture and lose track a wee bit - which of course could be the point coming from a 5 year old narrator that has not lived a normal existence by any stretch of the word.

This is a quick and easy read (pretty much read it in a day because of a return trip on the skytrain), and I am sure it will stay with me because it is disturbing subject matter.... but I can't say that I would shout from the rooftops and say, wow, what a book. I am glad I read it so I have an opinion about it... and time to literally move on!

I should also mention I borrowed a copy of The Slap (I was intrigued by the idea, a book evolving out of a barbeque where an adult slaps a kid that isn't theirs) but I got about 10 pages in to it (then surfed some opinions on the book as I wasn't all that impressed) and I figure there are so many great books out there I haven't read yet, and this is a library book, that I will just take it back to where I got it from, which brought me to Room.

Charmed

2011-02-27T22:30:00.000-08:00

What a charming read. It has been a while since I could say that I have read two books in a weekend, and gotten the laundry done.. but I did! It helped it snowed, and then the monsoon hit to melt it all, and with my little guy under the weather, wasn't the time to have a big weekend. It helps that both were what I would call easy reads, and this one was totally charming.

The narrative structure took a bit to get in to, but once I did, I really enjoyed how the story played out. It isn't a hard hitting novel, but it does delve in to some pretty serious topics. The story focuses upon the folk of Guernsey Island (one of the British Channel islands occupied by the Germans during WWII) and a writer, Juliet, whom becomes a vital part of their community by chance.

Having done a course on the holocaust in uni, in which the books we read were as incredible as they were hard to read, in a way, this is a different way to learn about another facet of the war - a different kind of human face and reflection. I enjoyed this book - I don't really want to say it was light-hearted fun, but it is a feel good novel as you turn that last page. I feel like I am going through a bit of a reading renaissance right now - I am reading different kinds of books than I have been, ranging far and wide and I am loving it.

A little something for the rain...

2011-02-26T13:30:00.000-08:00

Well worth a gander, and a quick read to boot! Why is it most books about animals end up with tears being shed? I just thought of the Edgar Sawtelle book (meh), and then there is Yeller (never read, didn't need to cry that much) to the Hunters of Cherokee County by Wilson Rawls (I read this one over 25 years ago and it still sticks out in my mind.. I remember Little Ann and Big Dan.. ) I had a feeling some leakage from my eyes would happen because of this book, but it wasn't a terrible thing.

This is told from the perspective of Enzo, the dog and not the human. See, when Enzo finishes this life, he believes that he will be reincarnated as a human. This is his story as he tries to be the best dog growing in to a human that he can be. It is about his people, and his human, and their partnership. It is a lovely read, a heartbreaking read at times, and a profound read. I laughed (crow scene) and I didn't cry in the middle, but I did cry at the end. A book about perseverance, of love, of being true to yourself.

It seems the message I have been getting from the universe (seems like I am getting better at decluttering and that isn't coming up as much anymore) is to look in the direction that you want to go. Not to dwell too much right now, but focus on the place you want to be, and you unconsciously move that way.

I should have read it in less sittings

2011-02-24T23:44:00.000-08:00

This was a decent read. It feels like a throwback novel - crafted in a different time (even if it is a recent novel). The language is quite lovely, and it was a quick and pleasurable read. I was not so sure how I felt about Flavia, our cheeky 11 year old narrator, but she grew on me by the end of the novel. At times I didn't know if I would want to read another in this series, but I think I would...

It was a jarring book to read a few pages at a time, and I finished the last 1/3 in one sitting, and I found that as I hit my reading stride, I enjoyed this book more. It wasn't profound, nothing earth-shattering, but good. A mystery, not quite like a Nancy Drew, not like a modern thriller either - somewhere in the middle. If you want a book that will draw you in, a little history sprinkled in, some enjoyable characters (literally), this is well worth a dive in to.

Settling in

2011-02-24T23:22:00.001-08:00

It is amazing how there are moments in life that you wish you could just freeze frame them to take the moment, wallow in it, and then move on. Life is not like that though - it keeps on rumbling along. It is also different when you have young kids - they don't always understand why mom's mood can be a little off.

Thank you for the positive thoughts and support about my gran.

It is a different grieving experience - it is different when the person is older, you have said what you needed to say when they were alive, and your last goodbye was pretty awesome (at Christmas when we were out on the island). I hate to say it, but it is not as heart wrenching as it is with a younger person. When people find out she was 96 their first response invariably is "wow" and I can't argue with that - we should all be so lucky to be pretty healthy for as long as she was and to have had a downward slide just at the end..

It feels odd - I am part of that middle generation. Our parents are now the oldest. Our kids are the youngest... not so young anymore, and old enough to be dispensing advice and mothering the almost 20 year olds out there. When did this happen?

Going back to work is strange - your world has shifted and yet you are in your car, heading in, and the routine starts up again. A little shift in perspective, extra hugs for your loved ones...

A moment to remember

2011-02-17T23:09:00.000-08:00

Well, situation puts it mildly. My dad isn't always great with words... but I guess when you are searching for the right word situation will do.

I sit here and write because it seems to be the thing to do in this moment - staring at the white screen. My gran passed away tonight. Startlingly quickly. My cousin and her husband where there, and I am grateful that my gran was not alone.

96 years, that is a pretty damn good life. A husband that loved her, kids, travels, grand kids, dogs and birds, great grand kids, a nice place to hang your hat in the later years, and a love of life, and curiosity, and a smile. Much of me is because of my gran - and I am missing her as I write these words. I think of so many things, beach combing together, a love of the sea, a love of picking up rocks. Her poodle Mokey, whom I really despised... Her love of turquoise, and little bits and bobs and interesting things. Her plants, the cigarettes she used to sneak when no one was watching, the happy hours, the woman who loved the attention of a man...I think of her ugly feet, and beakish nose, and kind brown eyes, and her delicate skin. Everything perfectly came together creating my gran - in all the juxtapositions that create a dynamic self. I think of her books, and the clutter, and the papers... I think of Charley the cockatoo eating everything he could and crapping all over the place. I remember Sunday breakfasts when we were all younger, and I remember every time I had to say good bye in the last few years - holding hands and looking at each other. I knew you, and you only knew you loved me and were loved at that point. You loved each of the boys when they came to visit, and reveled in their youthful enthusiasm. You would always look at me, and tell me how much it meant that we had our special connection, and you always wish for more time, and it would never be enough.

Adieu, but not goodbye Gran, you are already missed and it is a crazy thing to imagine the world without you.

We have a situation.

2011-02-17T13:56:00.000-08:00

This morning I take my big guy over to my folks since my dad watches him on Thursdays, and my dad says "we have a situation."

First thing that runs through my head, is WTF?? I have no idea what this means, but there is something in the tone that I am not liking. Turns out that my gran is not doing so well and that the care home she is at has asked for palliative orders for her. Nothing like having this kind of conversation moments before you have to paste on a smile and head on in to work. My gran is 96, she has had a long and colourful life, and it is time. However, it doesn't make it any easier hearing that the time is actually almost near.

Folks found out last night, and it floored me they didn't call me last night. I don't get it - better to tell me in the morning when I come up to see them rather than call the night before and just give me some mental preparation? Out of all my relatives, my gran is one of my closest- even if I haven't seen so much of her in recent years (she lives on the island) doesn't mean my heart isn't there or that we haven't gone for visits when we could.

To say that I have been scattered today is putting it mildly. My first instinct is to drop everything and run to the island. I did call the centre, and the nurse said that she feels she still has some time (not a lot, but maybe weeks instead of days) and that the care centre is under lockdown because of Norwalk... so, waiting and see is about the only approach open to us at this point.

Such is life.

The day has gotten better from there - it has been snowing off and on, I just found out payroll did a data entry error that will cost us about $200, and I feel bloated.

Pfffffffft.

Bobbles

2011-02-16T07:51:00.000-08:00

Who said you couldn't teach an old dog new tricks?? I learned how to make bobbles last night! I even got a chance to read for a bit, and watched a bit of a show...

Who knew?

I am making a very cool hat for my hubby and I had to learn how to make bobbles. Pictures to follow in a few days.. should be a cool hat!

Mornin!

2011-02-15T07:41:00.000-08:00

Ah, a few blissful moments of peace before the day takes off running. Of course, I have run my tank near dry and I need to hit the gas station before I venture too far away... but it isn't raining and I can see some blue sky (which is always a bonus this time of year).

Yesterday I had an individual in my office that irritated me from the moment I saw her - chatting on the phone, oblivious to the fact that someone was standing in front of her, waiting to take her in for an appointment. It got better from there - whining voice, lazy, questions that were really asking to abuse the system, and then the gall of taking a phone call in my office. She asked part way through, are we done.. I said yes, so she continued to talk. So I pointedly stared at her until the call ended, she asked a few more lame questions, and I was more than happy to see the back end of her leave the door. Folks like that make you appreciate the quiet times that much more.

Funny, after all the folks I see, there are so few that get under your skin... but the total lack of respect, that is something else. Karma is a beyotch and when you approach life like that.... interesting to see what comes full circle for that gal.

Actually, now that I reflect on it, yesterday certainly had it's less than stellar moments - I wanted Friday off, got shot down. Asked my boss a question, and apparently I have been asking too any questions lately (which ended up being positive since conversation went well and was more affirming than anything else). So the day was all over the board, some good (to follow, this post isn't just a whinge), some blargh, some ugly.

On to much more positive things - got a really cool mug from my boys with their pictures all over it and a few chocolates, and I got to decorate cookies at work for my guys. It was fun - felt like being a kid sitting around decorating and eating heart shaped gummies. I feel like I had too many sweets yesterday... and my back is stiff... I need to find some more hours in my day to get my body moving more!! We seem to still be going through a cycle where Connor is not going to sleep at a decent time - it makes such a difference to have a few minutes to yourself at the end of the day, to just be... decompress, whatever you want to call it.

A monstrous love affair

2011-02-12T23:44:00.001-08:00

I knew that I would finish reading this book tonight... Everyone else fell asleep early, and knowing I only had a 100 pages left, and it was 10 o'clock... I knew that I would be finishing this one before midnight.

This is the righteous cover of the The Gargoyle, by Andrew Davidson. What a book. I have no idea how to truly describe this book and do it justice. Well worth a read. Well worth a second read. Definitely not even close to what I expected it to be.

It was also, ironically enough, a fun book to carry around. This cover screams pay attention to me and a few folks made comments about it. My dear friend KW recommended this book, raving that it is one of her top 5 books of all time... I shrugged before I picked it up, and now I understand. This is a book like Heart of Darkness, rich with meaning, layers of symbolism, and threads of different stories woven together. I cannot believe my luck in the books that I have read so far this year - outside of the first book which didn't live up to my expectations, all the rest have shattered my expectations and preconceived notions.

I could describe this book as a joy from start to finish, but it wasn't. At times it was hard, almost gruesome, at times, so beautiful I had to put it down and just revel in the moment. I wish this wasn't a library book because it would look fine on my bookshelf. Another cool tidbit is how much Davidson was paid for his book (big bucks, especially for an untried Canadian) and the other thing is that he is Canadian. This book will make it's way in to post secondary reading lists if it hasn't already.

I feel myself moving away from more of my escapist reading and moving in to books with a bit more teeth right now. I am sure that the pendalum will shift again, but it will be interesting to see how my next read measures up (book club read, Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie).

TGIF can't come soon enough

2011-02-10T16:20:00.001-08:00

I am officially sitting around frittering away some time at the end of the day because I have run out of direction. It has been one of those wonky weeks - I have done lots of editing at work, and considering how things should be done, and been motivated to get lots done (and I have).. and it all seems to have vanished!

Last few nights have been rough - broken sleep, trying to get Connor to sleep in the other room, and then random cat accidents, and then watering the plants and then over-watering and the water leaks everywhere, to not getting all the laundry put away last Sunday and some of it is still in piles, to the pile of stuff on the kitchen floor that just keeps moving around the room.

I think it would help if both kids would be asleep by even 9:30.. and give me some time to just be. You know, to spend some time with my husband, read my book, watch some mindless TV. Do more than just go to work, make dinner, throw a kid in the tub, child herd a bit, sit on couch a little tired, and then herd them to bed... it is funny how some weeks are great and everything falls in to place, and other weeks you just struggle to find yourself in there.

I find the hardest thing of sticking around as my youngest falls is asleep is that once my guard is down, and even if I wasn't that tired at the beginning of the process, I am that tired by the end of. Yes, I know I could let him cry it out... but it just isn't all that appealing. I know eventually we will get there, but there are some days you just have to whinge a little about it.

A messy end

2011-02-04T18:18:00.001-08:00

2011 is looking pretty good as far as my reading list has been concerned A friend recommended this one heartily, and I must agree, it was a great read. It was really well written, the language was luxurious and the characters were well crafted.

The story focuses "in the woods" - a mystery thriller that takes place in small town Ireland. The lead detectives aren't perfect, they are flawed, and a little more believable than some of the leads that I have been reading lately.

There was a lot of lead up to this story, and in some ways, the end felt a bit rushed. It doesn't end all wrapped up neatly, there are unresolved strands and you are left to wonder what happens to the characters after the last page has been turned. The next book written by French continues on with one of the main characters from this book, and then the next takes a character from her third book, but in many ways... there are still things I would like to see play out from this first novel. Well done, the last page has been turned and I want to read more.

We have two.. now two more!

2011-02-03T13:26:00.000-08:00

Ahhhhhhh. Two of those troublesome teeth are in. Amazing, the wee guy's appetite is coming back, and his cheeks are not so flushed. Funny how that works.

It is only Thursday and it already feels like it should be Friday. At work I have been crunching numbers and looking at stats, and brainstorming some ideas of how I want the program I run to work... it has been brain numbing in some ways, frustrating, and then you just wonder how far to take your audit as well.

I think this weekend I am going to rearrange the furniture in the boys room and it is time to start the transition out of our room. It is time. I want my bed back. The boys need to be in their own room. It is also time to actually start to rotate toys, and not have so much stuff in their room, and tucked around all the corners of our wee place. I am there.

It has also been one of those weeks helpful souls tell me I look tired, and they can hear that I have been fighting a cold. I made the mistake of looking in a window on Tuesday.. and the outfit I was wearing did nothing for me - felt dumpy and frumpy for the rest of the day. Wednesday morning, that created a "five shirt" morning until I settled on the one I wanted to wear. *SIGH* Today I went for the Johnny Cash look (all black) and of course, I have toothpaste on the right, front. I seem to doing well in some ways, and just not in others.

I am also really enjoying the book that I am reading right now... but it is starting to go in a direction that I am a wee bit disappointed in, and I am not sure how it will all work out. I only have about 100 pages left, so it will be interesting how I feel once the last page is turned. It is a good read, will have to see if it stays a great read.

To continue on my really long ramble - I really can't wait to have our own place that we do not co-own. No sharing, no deals to be cut, no having to go and forth and make sure everyone is happy with how things are working out. No strata, and no tenants - this is what we are aiming for. It will be amazing - no more stressing and feeling like I am caught in the middle between people I love. At the end of the day, I am just trying to achieve what is best for us, what makes sense even if it isn't perfect, it is still an improvement of sorts. It helps knowing we are at a year, that things should start happening then, and we should be able to look for ourselves. It feels like an intoxicating dream - to know we can put down our own roots, and watch our kids grow, and plant some bulbs, and watch them grow, and fix up our place, the way that we want it. Yup, I am feeling a bit done where putting stuff like this down helps keep it in focus, or out of focus...

Alright teeth, come in already

2011-01-29T23:08:00.001-08:00

If it isn't a whinge about sorting and letting go, it must be a little whinge about teething. Damn, it is getting old. I was so glad once we started Connor out on real food, and once he cut his first tooth... now I can't wait for those incisors to finally cut.. get those four up, and then the 2 year old molars, and we are laughing.. that is until the next milestone.

When you are pregnant, you don't realize that you trade one milestone for the next, and then one worry, for something different. Kids make you appreciate that things evolve and change all the time, regardless of whether or not we want it to.

I can't believe we will have one kid starting kindergarten this year. Woah. It also looks like we won't be completely firm in what school the Don will be in until the fall rolls around. It seems we are on the waiting list.. and I can't really ask where we are on that list, until after the 4th. Waiting sucks. Right up there with teething.

Today I also learned my youngest is not so good at feeding the ducks. He wanted to throw himself in the lake to catch those ducks. It was a misty morning, not really raining, damp and cold. Cabin fever has struck, so I figured just bundle up and head out. I will post a pic or two tomorrow... but my little guy was covered in mud because he really wanted to get to those ducks. He would lay on the ground, and laugh, and then try to crawl under the fence so he could get closer... Our big walk this morning was all of 100 metres - a little feeding, a little child herding, and honestly, a little bit of fun even if it gets old picking your child up repeatedly and putting him back on the right side of the fence. It is all about the little joys.

Help!

2011-01-25T09:46:00.001-08:00

When I mentioned that I was reading this book at work, a fellow bookworm told me I was in for a good read. Since I am following it up with a book that she recommended, she laughed and said I was in for a great month of January books.

This book did not disappoint. This is one of my bookclub books, and other than knowing the title, I didn't know what this book was about before I cracked it open. The Help... I didn't expect it to be truly about the "help" down south, during the time of Martin Luther King...

What a great book - when I finished this in the wee hours of Sunday morning, I wondered, what do I read next? I grabbed a few of my normal escapist books, and well, they just didn't seem to measure up so I waited until I got back to work on Monday to pick up the book I had started there (In the Woods, by Tana French... which will appear here in a week, give or take). This is one of those books that isn't wrapped up all pretty and complete, it leaves you with some questions, and wondering how things are going to sort out. This is a story of people, about and without colour, what life was like in the 60s, life in Mississippi... I could keep listing tidbits of what this is about but truly, what a great book.

This is told from three main perspectives: Aibileen, Minny, and then Skeeter. Aibileen is an older black maid whose son has recently died, Minny a younger black maid with a sassy mouth and problems at home with five children, and Skeeter is a burgeoning writer that questions race relations, her own position in her white society who doesn't seem to fit in to her old world anymore. It is beautifully interwoven, and feels like it captures a bit of an essence of the time. Reading a book like this I wonder it will be like when I read about the 80s or 90s as my formative years and how they are treated in retrospect in novels...

You will laugh, you will perhaps shed a tear, but what a profound novel. One thing (of many) I will take away is the idea of planting positive thoughts in the minds of our children - telling them that they are kind, and smart, and that they are loved... simple, and yet can form such a solid foundation. I do this most of the time anyways, but when you think about it in a way to reinforce their being, and their potential... powerful stuff. This book is peopled by characters I will remember, and I would wholeheartedly recommend this book as a worthy read... I am sure it will make the top 5 reads of 2011.

I needed a new hat...

2011-01-23T08:02:00.000-08:00

Rolling out my latest knitting project, a hat for myself. I took a pattern I found online and then reworked it for my own purposes... I think it turned out pretty good! Next on the list... viking hats for the kids :D

Bringing out my last knitting project

2011-01-22T07:46:00.000-08:00

Over the last few years, it seems that my knitting has focused on baby blankets, dish clothes, and hats. Months ago I had meant to post about the latest baby blanket - and here it is. Much thanks to Kelz.. I have discovered a place to get amazing, incredible, and very reasonably priced wool. It is beautiful to work with, and the colours are beautiful. I prefer to not knit in acrylic, etc, and favour wools and cottons. This is a good weight, and not itchy!

This was a pleasure to make. When I make a baby blanket, I pick a knitting pattern I like and just go for it. I eyeball the size, and then decide when I am done when it looks "just big enough". Seems to work for me!